Posted by fleeting flutterby on February 13, 2009, at 12:40:51
In reply to Re: What if.......... » fleeting flutterby, posted by Sharon7 on February 13, 2009, at 6:37:53
> Good morning, flutterby. I'm sorry your T's comment about having 'shown you all he knows' put you in a tailspin. I have to tell you, though, it would have me, too.<<<
flutterby:---- Good morning to you too! It's nice to hear that others might have reacted similar to me-- maybe I'm not such a freak afterall. :o)
...>> I'm at the stage right now where my T could say she loved me (dream on!) and I'd be all like "WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY THAT? IS SHE SAYING SHE LOVES ME BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET RID OF ME?!?!? That's an extreme example, but the point being, it doesn't take hardly ANYTHING to make me think she doesn't want to see me anymore. But as far as what and how your T made this comment really did, in my opinion, leave a lot of room for interpretation.<<
flutterby:--- Yes, you understand. Sorry you are at such a similar fragile place too.
> It does sound to me, though, like his comment abut having shown you all he knows was not a termination statement. It seems clear to me that he absolutely did not mean it that way. If he did, he would have responded completely different to your announcement that you weren't coming back to therapy (in my opinion, of course.) If that was what he was trying to convey, when you announced via the email you were not his client anymore, he would have (very kindly, hopefully) took the subject of termination to the next level and elaborated on his "I've shown you all I know" comment, to further explain why he doesn't think he can be of any further help to you. If he wanted "out" he had the perfect out. He didn't take it. He does want you to keep coming would be my interpretation of that.<<<
flutterby:--- Yea, I think you have a point here. I wish I would have posted about this a year ago... *sigh*... I was just too scared that I would be shown how stupid I am ... that no one would see it the way I did...... Gee, for once it feels nice to be proven wrong. So many of you see it the way I did-- wish I would trust my feelings more.
> I most defintely think you have to talk to him about it. I have learned a lesson recently about how vitally important it is for us to be able to be open up and communication what we are thinking and feeling, and not to assume out T's know what we mean, want, or need. For me, this is going to take some practice.<<flutterby:--- Sadly, I think it's too late for me in this situation--it's been over a year and since-- I have gotten brave and am trying a new therapist. I must keep your advise in mind however with this new therapist. I will, I will.
>
> If you haven't already, tell your T why you thought he was terminating you. He'll probably say that if that had been the case, after working with you for 3 years, he would have discussed it with you plainly, not just made a comment that could easily be taken the wrong way.<<flutterby:--- hope I'm not going to confuse you all-- I do still keep in touch with former T. through email-- and to this day I think he's not understanding what brought my quitting about. I'm just too scared to tell him what the true reason was as I fear he'll say that I have cognitive issues and that he in no way meant that he wanted me to quit. ..... then I'll feel like a bad person for being so "cognitive".
>> My T and I have sort of a little agreement. She asked me to please tell her if there was some reason I was not happy with my treatment either by her or my pdoc (as they work in the same office,) and not to just stop coming. She would want to know "why" in case they had failed me in anyway.<<<flutterby:--- Gee, that sounds like such a safe thing for your T. to say at the beginning. I've never been told such a thing. that would feel nice to hear that-- then it feels like they take some responsibility too. What a nice T. you have.
> I hope you are feeling better today. Let us know what happens. Have a good day. (o:
>
> Sharon <<
Thank you Sharon. I've been feeling bad about it for over a year..... just been too fearful to speak about it. Maybe-- if I ever get brave, I will write to him and explain things-- if I ever get stronger......flutterby-mandy
poster:fleeting flutterby
thread:879682
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879893.html