Posted by seldomseen on December 29, 2008, at 15:37:15
In reply to Re: Holidays and Family (LONG) but would LOVE support! » seldomseen, posted by workinprogress on December 28, 2008, at 10:36:04
Thank you for your post.
Personally, I don't think there is any worse or better when it comes to abuse and neglect, it's all bad. I'm sorry you are experiencing what you are/have.
My brother has never apologized to me. Although he did say he never intended to injury me the way he did.
We don't talk much about growing up, although we do talk about how crazy mom and dad are. We are never going to have that "great" conversation where we mutually acknowledge what we went through and mutually grieve each other.
He's still way too shut off from that and will likely remain that way. The word abuse will never come up.
Gosh, I make it sound like we are two predators circling each other, but it's not like that at all. It's actually quite an uncomplicated detente.
I have been able to explain to his wife why some of the things that my brother does are just so weird. He also way overreacts to certain things, and I helped her to understand that as well.
I also love my brother's kids. Absolutely adore them and they have done so much to bring us back together.
I'm not convinced, and it sounds like you aren't either, that you and your brother will come to an understanding. As long as he is hurting you, you obviously can't.
You're absolutely right in that he most likely won't ever "get" emotional neglect or come to terms with his pain.
However, you really never know what might happen and people can surprise you sometimes.
All you can do, and it sounds like you know, is work through your own stuff and let them carry what is theirs.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:870975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/871319.html