Posted by Dinah on November 11, 2008, at 22:20:51
In reply to Re: A bit of a RAMBLE » Dinah, posted by DAisym on November 11, 2008, at 18:32:52
> I still want to trade therapists at some point, if only for a session or two. I just love your therapist - he always makes me smile. I think he'd be fun to chat with. :)
I'm certainly game. I'm pretty sure he is too. :)
I wouldn't quite say he's fascinated with Babblers, but he certainly interested in them. He's been really impressed by your insights. He's jealous of your therapist. I mentioned something about how everyone loves your therapist, and he expectantly asked what everyone thought of him. I ended up saying that I thought people loved our relationship, and while he was happy with that I still think he's jealous of your therapist.
I think I was hoping no one would remember to ask. In his defense, I must confess that I didn't mention it until the last ten minutes, and we covered a lot in that ten minutes so I clearly pushed him past the deliberate pace he prefers. It wasn't our finest ten minutes and may have been a showcase of the worst aspects of our relationship.
His initial response to my question was to look a whole lot like my son when I walk in the room and find him reaching to turn off the TV and pick up his homework. He muttered something unconvincing about being distracted by other things. He was so unconvincing that I'm still not sure he remembered what the heck I was talking about at first.
I pressed him a bit, making sure to give memory jogs, and he said that he wasn't sure how to go about getting vomit, or if he wanted to. A bit better, but I reminded him that the treatment plan suggested didn't actually mention real vomit. I told him that I'd noticed the change in his attitude came when I was talking about being afraid it would influence our relationship or that I would associate him with vomit. I told him that while I thought he generally had the detachment needed to help me with my problems, it occurred to me to wonder if he had the same detachment when it came to disruptions in the therapeutic relationship. He fell on this with almost too much relief and acknowledged the possibility that he wasn't really objective in this, and that if there was an aversion reaction (I think that was what he said) he didn't want to be caught in it. I asked him whether, in the extremely unlikely case that I could find someone in the vast expanse of New Orleans who I thought I could get along with and who had the expertise in this, would he object to my using one of my two sessions a week seeing another therapist. I added a lot of my fears that this would be unlikely and my concerns about this being a long term proposition. His candor was endearing I suppose. He said that if anyone was going to be vomit guy, he'd prefer it not be him. And he reflected on how he would feel if another therapist fixed my problems and became the hero. We rounded off this ten minutes by my suggestion of the possibility that even though I complained about his liking of the status quo and that he didn't seem to like to push me or to challenge me, that I really actually liked this and preferred not to use one of my sessions a week being pushed and challenged. He said that we had spoken before about the dilemma of his pushing/not pushing. I laughed and reminded him that he'd told me I bite. And he said, yes, I did. With the most sincerity that I'd heard from him in the whole ten minutes.
I swear to you that this was far from the normal standard of therapy. I really think I pushed him off balance and kept him there. I certainly wasn't at my best. Maybe a bit anxious? A lot of what I was asking him were trick questions with no really good answer, and he had to balance the answers he would give to emotional me versus the answers he would give to rational me. It really is a minefield, and I freely admit that.
The end result is that I am left unsure of what is going on. He was so clearly uncomfortable that it messed up my perceptions a bit. He was clearly less than completely honest at times, and clearly happy to agree with other things I said. But was he happy because I was right? Or because he thought it was taking him off the hook for whatever he felt guilty about? I led the witness way too much, and I didn't ask enough questions that he had to answer in his own words. Too many multiple choice and true/false. Not nearly enough essay questions. :)
I don't know if you were able to sift any of that out. The predominant feeling I left with was disbelief that he was afraid that seeing another therapist would change my attachment to him. Does he really think that I'll see another therapist and have my eyes opened to his flaws and inadequacies? That I'll find out he isn't as wonderful as I think he is? Wait! Isn't that my role in the relationship? Silly man. As if I don't already know his flaws and inadequacies. As if love ends that easily. As if imprinting could be overwritten by another duck even if it swam faster or caught more fish.
But I'm not sure that is the right impression to walk away with or if I'm totally off the mark. It went too fast.
poster:Dinah
thread:860712
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081104/msgs/862433.html