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Re: Pain is part of life, but suffering is a choice???

Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2008, at 20:02:58

In reply to Pain is part of life, but suffering is a choice???, posted by Kath on October 22, 2008, at 19:40:16

http://www.peacefulself.com/2008/02/is-suffering-choice.html

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081012113911AAEzcIi

http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/buddhapsych.html

My understanding is that it's a Buddhist concept. And like many religious concepts is a bit difficult to understand in simple terms.

I think the idea behind it is that it is attachment that brings suffering. Attachment, longing for what isn't, nonacceptance. So that through acceptance of what is, a person can achieve lack of suffering.

So, for example, if my mother was a very bad mother I would feel pain from her bad mothering. But suffering would come from not accepting that she was a bad mother, continuing to look to her for good mothering, or trying to change her into a good mother, or maybe even holding myself responsible for her being a bad mother. The end of suffering would come from realizing she is a bad mother, she has always been a bad mother, nothing I can do can change her into a good mother, and I will go through my life with the painful experience of having had a bad mother.

So the key would be to have the distance and detachment enough to see these things and accept them and let them be. Then theoretically a person could move past their anger and sadness and look for love and acceptance from someone more able to supply it.

I think it's probably true enough, as far as it goes. But saying suffering is a choice seems to me to be a bit harsh in its tone. Perhaps it's a difficulty in translation.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:858817
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/858828.html