Posted by DAisym on October 16, 2008, at 13:26:50
In reply to Re: Good Enough Mother--Dinah and others » antigua3, posted by Dinah on October 16, 2008, at 12:34:02
What do you do with anger at your mother when
1) She wasn't the one who hurt you
2) She was dealing with her own issues/including ones around your father
3) she was good enough most ways and brilliant in others - so the best parts of you (externally at least) can be traced directly back to her...but you are still hugely, hellishly angry with her.
I find myself thinking of ways to make her suffer like I did - mostly about not being noticed or held or soothed. I want her to experience being so incredibly alone and yet I'm terrified to ever subject her to my angry feelings. I don't want to lose her completely. I've done that once.
My therapist tells me I have good reason to be angry at her. And he understands the fear and need to protect her - that secondary retraumatization that PC talked about. After all this time, what good would it do to tell her? And yet, isn't there always an elephant in the room when we are together?
Mother stuff makes my chest hurt
poster:DAisym
thread:856732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857750.html