Posted by Dinah on October 10, 2008, at 17:54:55
In reply to Good Enough Mother--Dinah and others, posted by antigua3 on October 10, 2008, at 10:11:15
To clarify, I only think of myself in those terms. I'm well aware that people change over time, and that sensible sober considerations don't always govern the procreation process. They did in my case, but I've been pragmatic since birth.
I like the phrase "good enough mother" because it makes the endeavor less intimidating than "good" mother.
It also takes into account the needs of the child. What's good enough for one child might not be good enough for another.
It doesn't sound as if your mother was a good enough mother to you. She may have been overwhelmed by life, and done the best she could given her own limitations. But that didn't make her a good enough mother for you. You had a lot of quite reasonable needs that she didn't meet. It doesn't mean she was evil. It's a completely different measure. She didn't adequately function as a mother to you. She made choices which were harmful to you, and she didn't consistently buffer those experiences for you.
Good enough mother, to me, is in some ways judgment neutral. You can love your mother and recognize her love for you, while still acknowledging that she wasn't a good enough mother to you.
From what you've said here, your therapist is a good enough mother to you. She is consistent and nurturing, and can provide a buffer and a balance to your pdoc. So it sounds as if she's providing a corrective emotional experience at least in some ways.
But maybe you're also looking for other experiences? The yin to her yang? Or vice versa, I can never remember.
From what you've said here, you're also a good enough mother to your children. So you've at least had one good enough parent/child bond?
poster:Dinah
thread:856732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856801.html