Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 10, 2008, at 13:08:21
In reply to Re: Good Enough Mother--Dinah and others, posted by Phillipa on October 10, 2008, at 11:04:28
Thank you for sharing. I find these 'memoirs' inspiring. Sassy, I like the way your have used you own motherhood as a form of healing, and that you have made up for the failings of your own mother. I wonder whether I could be a good mother given my background with a physically and emotionally abusive mother. I'm repulsed by anger and violence (I'm working on being able to express anger) - but would I be able to bring up a balanced, healthy child? Would I make a 'good-enough mother'? I would very much like to have children at some point but this question haunts me. I have a genetic eye condition so there is a 50% chance any children I have will inherit this - this also plays on my conscience - can a 'good enough mother' knowingly produce children that might well have a health condition that will require a lot of operations and treatment?
I am a perfectionist - I think in part owing to my upbringing. If I failed at something, I would be beaten - I recall at age 4 being too scared to swim the length of the swimming pool without arm-bands. I had swimming lessens and it was a swimming test. We had the choice to swim with or without the arm-bands. I chose to swim with the arm bands and when I got home, my mother, who had been watching, was so angry she beat me and told me I was nothing but a baby. She gripped me around my middle and shook me so hard that her finger nails left scars.
This notion of being 'good enough' is something my T has brought up a couple of times. That good enough is good enough :) - that I need to learn to be good enough instead of striving for the impossible perfection I feel is necessary. This concept of the good enough mother was also discussed then. I joked whether it also applied to therapists - and asked him if it was OK for therapists to be 'good enough' too!
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:856732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856750.html