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Re: My T made me really cry today Daisy

Posted by antigua3 on October 9, 2008, at 7:24:44

In reply to Re: My T made me really cry today, posted by DAisym on October 8, 2008, at 23:44:05

>
> I'm sure you've explored this but I have to wonder if you are punishing yourself with this pdoc somehow - I think Dinah asks really good questions. Working stuff through is very different than being retraumatized. This borders on that.
>
>>You hit the nail on the head, Daisy. I said the same thing this week, that I thought I was being retraumitized, instead of being healed. He said it's like a rebirth. It's painful, but I have to look at the results. I'm so much better off than when I started therapy with him and that's true; there is no denying that, and I will add (now that Dinah has pointed it out) that using my T to help me work through these issues has been key.

I tried to explain how much this is hurting and I don't think he thought it was this bad. But remember, it's so bad because I'm filtering this through my experience as a 5-yr-old.

> And yet, I keep wondering if you aren't looking to explode -- so that all the stuff that remains hidden will burst forth. And perhaps your pdoc feels like the right catalyst for that. He ignites things within you - recreating those feelings that you had with your dad, which definately presents an opportunity to do things differently this time. Including allowing a mom (your T) to take care of you.

>>Again, you're right. This is what I want, but maybe I'm wrong about exploding.Argh, even that word triggers me, with all its connotations.
>
> I find myself furious at your pdoc for stealing away your writing. I also wonder what part of you the writing represents and why it needs his approval. I desperately want you to take this part back. Writing is in your soul and no matter what he says, your passion comes through in all your writings. "Screw him," I want to scream. Writing is like breathing - nobody can tell you to stop doing it. (I know, I know, he didn't tell you to stop.)

>>As you said, he didn't make me stop, I stopped on my own based on his reaction. The only writing I ever do is on here now. Exploring why I've given that power doesn't get me far; he focuses on why I would give him that power, even though he knows how agonizing it is for me. We're working on it, but it's part of letting go, too.
>
> You are doing such deep work. I know it is hard, but keep going. You amaze me.

>>No, you amaze me. Same journey, such different approaches at different stages. I always learn from you and your therapy.
antigua

 

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poster:antigua3 thread:856481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856553.html