Posted by Nadezda on October 8, 2008, at 10:19:03
In reply to Very awkward experience, posted by Wittgensteinz on October 8, 2008, at 8:52:59
Those encounters (including the photographs) sound hard to swallow.
It's the darker side of having therapy at your T's house. There are bound to be moments when you need to hold this phantasy of your T as only for you-- to feel that your relationship can proceed un-selfconsciously (not that it won't be make conscious, but it can go on without the thought-- "what if his family sees x"-- x being different things at different times). Or having to confront his wife with her bike-- or his children on his desk, or in their backyard, or wherever.
It makes it much much harder to keep yourself inside the room,, where the outside world doesn't penetrate. I'm amazed that you've been doing it so well for so long. I know his family has their own feelings about seeing patients come and go-- ones that occur mostly outside your view, but--at his house-must impinge in many subtle ways-- . This time it was more painful and obtrusive.
Maybe you felt some romantic impulse behind the roses-one that remained unexamined and innocent, but became more guilty in his wife's presence.
I wonder if at-home offices are fair to patients (or family) - But finding the right T is very hard-- You make compromises and deal with conditions that he or she provides. You should be aware that whatever his wife may have felt,, she probably was sorry if, in any way, she made you ill at ease. I'm sure your T would be interested in your reaction. And in that way, it can be more positive, in letting you delve more directly into how you respond.
The thing with his children, I especially understand. My T also has had children whom he's told me about-- and at times, I've felt very sad that I never had the love and protection and many other things that I"m sure he and his wife provide them. It has seemed terribly unfair and hard to accept-- even though I feel a lot of positive emotion about them, in the abstract. It would be much hard if he had photos, or things that reminded him of them, to look at while he and at were together-- or in the room. Again, it has so much chance of disrupting your connection by instruding things from "real life" into your space.
Maybe if you talk about it, it can become less of an intrusion. I very much hope so. These things can be worked on and are, in the deepest sense, not so important to your relationship with him, which ultimately it what it is-- in itself-- no matter what other commitments and relationships he has. Maybe you can think of whatever is between you and him, not as contingent, any more his with than anyone else. No matter what the formal arrangements--even if the relationship is of a particular kind-- it has the potential for as much meaning - as you want to find in and through it-- for him and for you.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:856372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856388.html