Posted by Wittgensteinz on October 8, 2008, at 8:52:59
My T took some time off for a family holiday, so I didn't see him for a week and a half (I usually see him twice weekly).
Anyway, I missed him terribly - I spent much of the time in limbo just waiting for him to return. While he was away I had a difficult appointment with my new Pdoc that kind of worried/upset me - I was so nervous about that session that everything seemed to come out completely jumbled and wrong. I really would have liked to have seen my T soon afterwards and discuss it while it was fresh and intense. But instead he wasn't there :(
Anyway, this always seems to be the case - when I do see him again after his return, it always feels an anti-climax. I don't get the good feeling I long for - don't feel safe/connected straight away - some reparation is needed.
Anyway, I decided to take him some flowers today - just as a token of my thanks to him - I chose roses (not for their romantic connection but because they were in lots of pretty colours). He always has flowers in his room - so if you bring flowers he'll put them in the room. Anyway, I arrive with a big bunch of roses and am standing at the door, ring the bell and at that moment his wife comes up the path behind me with her bike. I wanted to disappear into the ground! I felt sooo awkward to be standing their with a big bunch of roses for HER husband.
Anyway, my T behaved completely normally - was pleased for the flowers and went off to find a vase. I went into the therapy room to get out of the way. I walked up to his desk and was looking out of the window when I noticed he had some photos of his daughters in the display cabinet next to his desk. I hadn't seen these before. I think the combination of his wife coming home when I arrived and the presence of these photographs of his beautiful daughters made me feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome. It sounds pathetic but I don't like the fact he has his daughters in the room there - that room doesn't feel safe like it did. In fact it all feels wrong after today :(
The funny thing is, I don't mind it when he discloses things - I like it - but seeing the photos triggered me - likewise if I'd known his wife would arrive just at that moment, I wouldn't have brought the flowers. It feels like someone caught me doing something I shouldn't or at least something that was private and not meant for others to see.
Witti
poster:Wittgensteinz
thread:856372
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856372.html