Posted by antigua3 on September 22, 2008, at 13:34:55
In reply to Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences, posted by JayJ on September 20, 2008, at 14:45:55
Your post really resonated with me. I used to worry, and maybe still do, that therapy is actually taking me away from my DH. As I get stronger, I'm less likely to take as much "stuff" from him as I did in the past. That said, however, my marriage is stronger today than when I started therapy. Although my T thinks my DH should be in therapy!, I am the designated "problem" in our marriage, which makes it tough for my DH to see any of his own influences on our problems. My T has helped me to deal with my DH, and to put up a fight where I think it's necessary or when it will do the best good. Otherwise, I've learned to deal w/my DH as he is, and not let him project things on to me (or see his actions as my own projections)that don't belong to me and that are his own problems.
My DH only "harumphs" when I mention therapy, or rolls his eyes, or complains about the money. He wants to have nothing to do with it--knows very little about my abusive childhood by his own choice. This makes it hard to explain things to him, but he can't handle what happened to me, except to revert to outrageous anger (my father's name is even forbidden to be mentioned in my house!). My pdoc says my husband holds my anger for me, which is fine for now.
Sorry to be long, but one other comment. When my T and pdoc have suggested my DH come in (or my DH wants to because there has been an "episode" of self-destructive behavior on my part), they have blown him away. He even had a list once of all the things that were wrong w/me, and my T ever so gently steered him toward his own behavior. My DH hates my pdoc, thinks he's money grubbing, mostly because he hated what my pdoc said to him!
Sorry to be so long. But, my marriage is stronger. Not perfect, and never will be, but it's very good considering everything. We have been together a very long time and still love each other very much. Love changes over time, of course, but the basic core of our love is still there. We've had plenty of difficult years, but we're still here.
That's just my experience.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:852965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853440.html