Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2008, at 10:17:31
In reply to What do you tell your DH?, posted by JayJ on September 19, 2008, at 16:38:47
I'm not a closed up person, so I may not be of any help. If anything I'm a too open rattler of private things.
My husband is not sophisticated about psychology, but he apparently already knew that therapy was private so he's never asked.
But I realized when I answered below that I do tell him plenty about therapy. I guess at some level I'm afraid that if I keep it really secret, he'll be more worried about it or think it must be awful. So I tell him lots of stuff. I just choose *which* stuff. If my therapist suggests something my husband would approve of, I share it. If my therapist says something I and my husband would think foolish, I probably share that too. I'm very open at sharing about my therapist's trips, personal characteristics, etc.
I would say I tend to the negative for my husband, but that's not precisely true. I probably share the specifics of the negative while being open about the positive but in perhaps a less specific way. I share with him some of what's going on, but I keep to myself those things that would scare my husband. He thinks I'm steps away from commitment as it is. Some of the things in my therapy would scare my husband, and to no good purpose. They really aren't terrible. He just wouldn't understand them.
Is it possible for you to be open about your therapy without really saying anything you don't want to say? Would sharing the less personal details diminish therapy for you or make you feel like your private space has been invaded?
You shouldn't share any more than you feel comfortable sharing. But the more casual you can make nonsharing seem, the less threatened he might feel. That's not a statement of principle on my part, just one of pragmatics.
On the other hand, speaking casually of therapy may indeed seem disrespectful of the work.
So I don't know. What works for my relationship may be all wrong for yours.
By the way, one way I get my husband to support therapy is to give him a taste of what I discuss with my therapist. Within ten minutes he's diving for a window and thanking my therapist for standing between him and my craziness (or tediousness, depending on the situation).
poster:Dinah
thread:852965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080920/msgs/853067.html