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Re: T thinks I might be shallow » Quintal

Posted by raisinb on September 20, 2008, at 11:46:48

In reply to Re: T thinks I might be shallow » rskontos, posted by Quintal on September 20, 2008, at 11:14:01

Hi Quintal--
Your therapist's response reminded me of mine. She's never said anything of the kind--in fact, the opposite--but the type of comment resonated with me. I'm not sure this will be helpful because it might come out of my own musings about my relationship with her, but it sounds as if she feels like you are not opening up to her and as if she doesn't "get" you, and is frustrated by this. Her comment comes from this place. She is trying to make that lack of connection a pathology/defense of yours, so that she doesn't have to face the fact that she may be failing at this connection. Or maybe not even the fact that she is to blame--that either of you is, really--but that it is just not happening.

I too am "calm" and defended in most of my sessions. My therapist comments on my emotional control with frustration. Somehow I hear her confusion at how others (the imaginary other clients in my head always act a certain way, different from me) lose it, cry, scream, break down, and I sit there perfectly calm, even though she knows I have extremely intense reactions (cause I tell her about them) outside of therapy. She's said she feels like there's a "real" or "second" therapy that goes on after we end sessions. This is true.

I think some of us just don't process or react immediately. We process on our own, mull, meditate, then respond directly. This is not a pathology--it's a timing issue. Or maybe a relationship issue, since I've certainly learned to respond immediately to others. Maybe this is the case for you?

Anyway, this is rambling, but I think your therapist is having some issues of her own, related to your relationship, and she needs to back off and process them herself for awhile.


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