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Re: Partners' feelings about your LT... (long) » lucie lu

Posted by Wittgensteinz on September 20, 2008, at 4:13:38

In reply to Partners' feelings about your LT therapy?, posted by lucie lu on September 19, 2008, at 19:35:24

How do your partners feel about your long-term therapy?

** For the most he is accepting - but sometimes he asks things like "what exactly does Dr. X do?" - I hate that question because there is no easy answer. He is a psychoanalyst - the interaction is subtle. Sometimes my partner questions about my progress and likewise it's hard to give clear answers - perhaps if I did CBT or something like that, that would be an easier thing to answer. A while ago, he heard from a friend about another therapist who lived nearer by and who specialised in giftedness. He suggested I saw her at the same time as my other T to help me with 'more practical things' as he put it - this upset me as I"m working very hard with my current T. Of course you can only really see one T at once and I am very attached to my T. I'm working through trauma - something more pressing in my opinion than fulfilling my academic potential - my partner knows I had a difficult upbringing but doesn't know too much detail. He's also suggested at one point my switching from the analyst to a CBT therapist because he felt it was taking too long. He sometimes rubs it in that I've seen my therapist more than 100 times - that makes me feel pretty low actually. It's a pity as I am making good progress, just this is a long-term type of therapy and it will take a lot to change things that were so ingrained when I was growing up.

Has your partner met your T?

** Yes, thrice (I posted about this in the thread above)

What are the issues that have come up between you - jealousy? cost?

** I pay for my own therapy, although sometimes my partner rubs it in how much it is costing (I see it has a good investment). I think without my T I would probably not have survived the last year. He's also made comments like "I wish I could do what Dr. X can do" - but maybe that was more said in admiration than anything else. He's not aware of my transference toward my T - he knows I'm very attached and doesn't really understand this (but it is something difficult to understand if you haven't been there yourself). I think my child-like dependence and the powerful effect therapy has on me gets to him at times - how I can be upset if I mail and don't hear back and then worry all weekend that my T is mad with me or has died etc. etc. That all said, my partner does his best to support me. I have been in a deep depression for well over a year, and that is no easy thing for him to live with I'm sure.

How has therapy affected your relationship?

** Before I started therapy, I was in such a mess. I had attempted suicide and had then seen a psychiatrist which opened up all my wounds and overwhelmed me. For a long while I had found it extremely hard to leave the house even. Sometimes I couldn't bear light or sound - I would lie in a completely blackened room with a duvet pressed down over my head and ear plugs in to avoid sensory overload. I experienced such extraordinary emotional pain during that time and was desperate. So, the fact that I am now relatively functional, preparing to go back to my studies, has obviously had a big effect on the quality of my relationship. I still have big issues with intimacy but there have been improvements in that department too. I think my partner finds progress too slow, but relatively speaking, I have made big steps forward. I have had set-backs - such as a month ago, and even last week I was in a very bad place, but there is still good progress.

Sorry this was so long!

Witti

 

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