Posted by Lucie Lu on June 27, 2008, at 23:39:48
In reply to how do we deal with T separations?, posted by Lucie Lu on June 27, 2008, at 0:03:36
These are all great suggestions and very helpful. Every year my T and I have struggled with this issue as his vacation approaches. Some years we have had extra sessions beforehand and talked, talked, talked about it, preparing for the break. He's left voice mail so I can hear it when he's gone. But truthfully, I still feel I'm looking into a void the three weeks he's away.One year was especially traumatic. My marriage was hitting a rough patch and my H (BTW what does DH stand for? I assume it's not designated hitter) suddenly decided he needed to spend our vacation alone to focus on himself. Unfortunately he left two days before my T. My best friend also was away. I had to arrange to take our two girls on vacation since they were looking forward to one. I had one weekend completely alone (girls were away) before we left. I had a list of things to do for distraction but found myself perpetually erasing thing after thing, lowering my expectations until I just sank into complete immobility, like being into some timeless ice cave. I was like that for three days. We did end up having a successful vacation and I felt good about doing that under the circumstances, my marriage survived, my T came back of course, but given my abandonment issues this was one of the most painful experiences of my adult life. Instead of feeling resilient I still can't get that pain out of my mind even though several Augusts have passed since then.
My T and I have a curious thing about his vacation. We are not in contact for the duration, I don't even know where he goes. He does so much for me the rest of the time, is always available for me, that it's just an unspoken boundary I have never even tried to cross. He leaves a backup T but I have never been in danger and don't want anyone else, just him. I couldn't see him giving me anything transitional and it makes me sort of sad and wistful to hear that other T's do. That's just not him and I just accept all his other great qualities, but it does make it hard. I think my T still feels stymied with my distress as all his efforts prior to leaving don't seem to help. Sometimes I pick a fight. Arggh! I wish I had had babble back then. Maybe this year will be different...
poster:Lucie Lu
thread:836683
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080616/msgs/836903.html