Posted by Nadezda on June 21, 2008, at 14:51:13
In reply to update on raisin's endless therapist drama *long*, posted by raisinb on June 19, 2008, at 18:17:03
I personally, based on my own experiences, tend to think you did the right thing. You can't really ever "know' that someone cares about you, or 'how much" or "what way"-- you have finally to either believe in them, or not. And believe in your value, and deservingness, to be cared about-- which makes their caring believable.
I"ve been through somewhat similar agonizing discontinuities with my T, and he's said the same thing to me-- that it isn't about him and his limitations-- it's about me, and how I handle letting someone help me, trusting their good will and knowhow-- and opening myself up to considering what they say-- not batting it back, or shutting it out. Everyone-- every T, every teacher, every one who could help you learn or grow, has their blind spots, shortcomings, moments of not hearing, not being there-- it's how you cope with it, how you stay with it, and remain engaged and continue to be constructive (for yourself and in relation to them) that you're there to work on-- not perfecting them, so it's easy for you. Which, actually, it never will or can be--
At least that's what I've decided-- and over time, I think I've learned to do more.
So although I don't know about you and your T, the things she saying make sense to me, and the decision you've made also makes sense, and seems like making something good out of a situation that has been worthwhile, and valuable-- and where you've felt caring in the past.
I remember in your lighthouse dream, you decided the image was a bad thing-- but a lighthouse is a signal, a beacon of a safe place when you're lost. So it might be that when you say you felt lost, she was the thing you could find to help you find solid ground.
I don't expect it will be entirely smooth, but this seems like the right effort to be making, rather than looking for another T. You have to see, of course, but I would just trust my own judgment and let the inner struggle over her caring go.
I hope it does work out for you.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:835522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080616/msgs/835821.html