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sessions and remembering

Posted by B2chica on May 15, 2008, at 8:06:21

i'm not sure what i'm writing. i just wanted to share with you all.
i had session yesterday. it was one of those that i pretty much started to dissociate way before i even got there. and when i (littleone) got there i was happy then i waited and waited and got sad and then mad. i was drawing and when she finally came out (about 15min late) i was mad and couldn't get up from the chair i physically wouldn't move and kept drawing and wouldn't even look up at her like i was in a trance but wasnt. then one of the other offices started to open up and i got up and ran into her office. got on the couch but wouldn't look at her.

folks this was a hard session because even though littleone was out i felt that i came in and out of it twice during for really short bits, which weirds me out. but i was still, well, in my memories or whatever...

i was still holding the fear from monday, i got down on the floor in her corner by her bookshelf that has toys on it and started pulling/throwing toys off (i remember this) then i found one that felt like a protector, then i lined up all the toys around me.

what's weird is i remember visually what happened during the session pretty well. but i don't remember the words or chunks.
after the session 'littleone' couldn't leave so T walked me to my car helped me get out. sort of still here i told her (finally) that i didn't quite remember things but i felt it was important and if she'd tell me. i told her i remember visual and the clean cloud (tell ya later) and the birds. and she said and you sent them to God, i quickly agreed...then looked and said no.
she asked if my memories were memory specific to my parts....i didn't think so. i mean normally their not.
anyway we left it at that said for me to write down what i can remember and she'd help next session if i wanted her to.

but it got me thinking. it's just weird because i normally remember things, but there have always been times that i don't. that things get so fuzzy that i just don't remember. but i say i do. i say i do because i remember the pictures in my head, i can SEE what happened, but i don't KNOW what happened.
is that weird? crazy? Stupid?
so am i remembering or not?

well i've been patching in my head and i know we talked about the "people/shadows around me in the cloud around me' that was scaring me. and T told me we send them to GOD in his light one by one so that GOD can fix them. mostly i remember the end when all were gone and we cleaned the cloud and it was bright and sparkly white and we filled it with birds, blue birds and kind. i do remember crying the whole time (but thats kind of a given with littlone, she's the crier).

i don't know that i'm even expecting any kind of answer from anyone...i guess i'm just still confused about the whole thing and kind of removed from it still.
but on the good side regardless of what i remember, i actually feel better.




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poster:B2chica thread:829195