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Re: I called, he returned call at my request

Posted by backseatdriver on May 8, 2008, at 20:10:14

In reply to Re: I called, he returned call at my request Racer, posted by Dinah on May 8, 2008, at 19:54:24

Oh, Dinah. I read your account of your call and I felt: He is so, so frightened.

My gut says, this is *all* him -- he is having trouble managing his countertransference. He can't see YOU through it. Can't see your suffering. Can't feel it. Failure of empathy, and also of positionality. He should be *right there beside you*, looking *with you* at the circumstances of your life, helping you to make meaning from everything you bring into the room.

Instead, he is pushing you away, and blaming you for a problem that is really his. I can't believe he told you he was sorry he mentioned it. I mean, I'm livid! That is outrageous. Totally passive aggressive. He SHOULD be sorry, truly sorry, for causing you this grief.

If I were a gambler, I would bet that he's going through a big abandonment of his own. He's recently married, no? My guess is his marriage has gone off the rails.

Whatever the problem is, though, it should not be *your* problem. Though it seems he is doing his utmost to make it a problem for you.

BTW, I really admire your strength in how you're handling this guy. So well done -- you are being careful, you are holding to what is good, but also holding your ground. I hope to be able to do this, too, someday. <smile>




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