Posted by raisinb on March 30, 2008, at 21:59:16
In reply to Re: Wise wise words, posted by Dinah on March 29, 2008, at 22:59:56
Dinah, I love that idea, and I am quite an outspoken person in general.
There is something about my T's tight boundaries, her emotional withholding, though, that creates areas of "unspoken"-ness. She does not express her emotions directly, and it seems like this makes the air in the room very...like the expression of emotion is wrong or disallowed. I know she thinks that her lack of expression makes room for my expression, but that isn't the case for me, which I've tried to tell her. I'm not sure how much is my discomfort with my own vulnerability and how much is her.
There are so many things I end up talking around, and she ends up talking around, and all the while the emotional climate doesn't seem to match the words on the table. It is much more intense than the things we say. (I don't know if I'm expressing this at all clearly in this post, either, which is ironic :)).
I have a tendency, though, to become very tight-lipped when I care about a relationship, and so I know I am contributing to the dynamic.
My T has said she often is silent with me because she feels that her words don't express what she feels--"that I want to be here with you," or that "my words aren't getting through."
I think that ends up being the case (with lots of different emotions--intense anger, dislike, love, etc.) with many of our sessions. It is like we have a big well that both of us step carefully around.
Anyway, that is rambling, and probably nonsensical, but I am struggling so much with this because of this feeling I am describing. It is hard when I'm in there to even talk at all sometimes, much less say things that entail big risks.