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Re: Bad Session -- it's worse than ever...

Posted by TherapyGirl on January 18, 2008, at 15:30:47

In reply to Re: Bad Session -- it's worse than ever... » TherapyGirl, posted by DAisym on January 18, 2008, at 14:50:17

Thanks, Raisin and Daisy and all the others who posted previously. (And Daisy, thanks for giving me "permission" to respond in one post. You are absolutely right about how overwhelming that is when I'm depressed.)

Raisin -- I'm impressed with how you took care of yourself with your T. It sounds like you are doing good work and I'm glad T is able to shift gears with you.

My T has called and we had a pretty good conversation. She said that one of the reasons she fights so hard for me (and she doesn't call what we did last night arguing, btw) is because she cares about me so much and hates to see me like this. I told her I knew that and other times I could hear it more like she intends, but right now it just feels like criticism. I told her I just wasn't in a place to work on a plan to feel better. I also told her that I am hanging by a thread and a large part of that thread is the connection to her and that we had to do whatever we could to keep that connection intact, even though it's most at risk when I'm depressed. She thanked me for telling her all of that and said she would back off the other stuff and just be with me right now. I told her I didn't know if I would ever be in a place to discuss crawling out of this. She said that was okay. So no doubt we have more to discuss next week, but I feel like I got enough to keep the connection between now and then.

It's my birthday weekend and that is always hard, even when I'm not already depressed. We've talked about that before, too -- she thinks it's grief for what I didn't get when I was born and in those early years. I don't know about that, but it's always hard. This year, I'm going away for the weekend -- I desperately need the change of scenery.

 

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