Posted by estrellita on December 8, 2007, at 3:27:37
In reply to Mutal attraction or just treatment plan, posted by john79 on December 7, 2007, at 16:22:21
I posted just a week or two with a question about having a crush on my therapist who is in training.
The difference between my situation and yours is that he hasn't done ANYTHING to express an interest in me other than a professional one. Even if he is attracted, I'll never know because he's not going to jeopardize his future career and cross any ethical, legal, or therapeutic boundaries.
I let him know about the crush, so he knows there is attraction on my part. We discussed it, and it was awkward. But I came out of that session feeling more respect for him because I know that he values the work he's doing.
He discussed things with his supervisor prior to the session where we talked about it, and we discussed boundaries, transference, the nature of the therapeutic relationship, etc. It definitely wasn't the easiest conversation I've ever had, but I felt much better knowing that I could be honest with him and that he's going to be honest with me. Overall, the way he has handled the situation demonstrates his commitment to helping me with the goals I originally set, and his commitment to helping people with mental health issues more generally.
I didn't see anything in your email about your therapist having set goals with you, about her discussing the situation with her supervisor, etc. I did see that she started to nod off at one point.
There are two reasons that I would not see her again: (1) she has not handled the situation in a professional way - she refused to talk with you about transference even after you told her you've done some reading about that, sounds like she hasn't helped you with setting goals (i.e., what do you want to get out of therapy), etc. (2) apart from the attraction stuff and not handling it well, she's nodded off during session, has refused to educate you about topics even after you asked to discuss (transference), etc.
Even if the attraction weren't part of the picture, I'd suggest finding a different therapist. Sometimes transference can be used in a therapeutic way, but it seems like she's not that interested in helping you. Nor is she taking her work seriously.
Good luck.
> Hello everyone,
>
> Could you please give your opinion about the following issue.
>
> I am a male, in therapy with a female therapist. We're about the same age and she is in training.
> I have no disorder or anything, just a difficult phase in my life that needs attention.
>
> She is very attractive and, from what I hear and experience with other women, I am attractive.
> Women show interest quite regularly, which most men would like, I get very nervous from it.
>
> Well, the first three sessions I kind of ignored her pretty appearance, not on purpose but it was the first time in therapy for me and I was focussing on my problems. She let me talk a lot in the beginning. One session she almost felt to sleep.
>
> I did check out her shoes because she has good taste.
>
> Then further in the treatment I noticed some change in her appearance, her eyeglasses were gone and she dressed more sexy.
>
> Also she asked if we could meet the next session in the evening because of her schedule. She was eager to continue the appointment but I said we could better skip it one week because I felt sorry for the long day she would have.
>
> The following occured during multiple sessions. The first thing is that I caught her several times checking my package, very shocking but she is pretty so I enjoy it. I don't know if women do this for fun, but there must be some physical attraction?
>
> Also she does this weird leg crossing thing, while uncrossing her legs she puts her feet very firm on the floor, look me in the eye and the crosses them again. This is not in a slow manner but it freaks me out a bit. Her legs really got my attention from then on.
>
> The result of this was that I got very deeply in love with her, crying in the middle of the night or when hearing a song on the radio.
>
> I tried to bring up the issue the following two sessions. The first time she showed this very big grin on her face. When I adjusted my posture very obvious, from sitting lazy in the chair to straight up, she mirrored me exactly but also touched her nose.
>
> Body language seems a very important factor in this therapy, why this is I don't understand yet.
>
> The second time I brought it up, I said I read about transferance but she again ignored it.
>
> The last two sessions her attitude is much more professional and distant. An extra problem is that now I have difficulties concentrating on therapy and bringing up material, and I said it was her.
>
> She asked if I wanted to continue treatment with her and I said yes. I told her that I am a bit fearful of women and she said it could be solved because I have no disorders, but I sensed by the why she smiled and looked that she wanted to say something else but couldn't because of boundaries.
>
> Well, that's it. Thanks for reading an please give your feedback on how if this is part of my treatment plan or that she is just attracted like any other human being. Should I continue with her?
poster:estrellita
thread:799374
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/799471.html