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Re: Forced Termination and Hatred *Trigger SI*

Posted by Deus_Abscondis on September 1, 2007, at 12:04:37

In reply to Forced Termination and Hatred *Trigger SI*, posted by ForeverWounded on August 31, 2007, at 5:27:36


sorry to feel your suffering. You are in the grip of torment. Time may bring about different feelings and you do have some more time with the therapist.

I had a therapist bring a long period of therapy to an end. I had on a previous occasion concluded a period with the same therapist. The two long periods of therapy were separated by a long interval.

I can't recall the details but I don't think I had any advanced notice and was informed in a session that this would be our last.

What struck me at the time and in retrospect was his reason offered. He simply said you need something (not someone) more 'supportive'. I was taken aback and asked what he meant and he simply reiterated 'supportive'. I then bit my tongue as he had ample opportunity to explain and didn't.

I can remember questioning myself - had I said something offensive, had I failed to make sufficient headway? I can recall saying at one point in the period that I felt we had plateaued but there were many sessions after that.

I can't say at the time I felt hostility towards him and thanked him for working with me.

Since then I have discovered that I have adult ADHD (inattentive). He had a specialist interest in child psychiatry and I wonder why he might not have picked up that I might have been ADHD. Indeed I don't think the possibility I had it was ever discussed.

His diagnosis was that I was primarily anxious and the depression I went to him with was secondary to the anxiety. He was totally against using any Benzo meds - none. I went along with this. At a point when I had bouts of severe agitated anxiety he did prescribe low doses of Mellaril (Thioridazine). He also reluctantly prescribed Prozac.

One thing he said has stuck in my mind over the years that is "no drug is going to help you".

In retrospect I feel some resentment towards him. I still feel that his reason of needing something more 'supportive' was empty. He could have advised that perhaps another therapist might advise me or was he being diplomatic and saying that I wasn't making enough of an effort to support myself or that in fact I didn't need something more supportive - that I would react positively against his reason and in doing so make my own support.

I have no idea. I was left hanging - partly through my not pressing him to be clearer.

I've always held some scepticism about the value of the therapy I had with him. He was the first therapist I had. While I liked him, I felt he had my interests at heart, I can't say I became 'attached' to him. His role was to help me help myself. I recall being charged missed appointments. Anxiety can really stuff up concentration and memory. I certainly didn't feel so attached to him having to pay the full non insured amount for missed sessions.

I've never really held the view that a therapist is going to be open about what they are thinking about me. It is a 'professional' relationship - any attachment feelings I thought were meant to be transient. I admired many things about him but I never considered my therapist a friend.

While he did help me gain some insight into myself I can't say in retrospect that I got a substantial improvement. Combined with the missed diagnosis of ADHD and the way the period of therapy was terminated It has left me a little resentful. I know a good deal about therapy and have studied it so I know how difficult it is to make diagnoses. He is after all human and I'm sure he was doing his best. I could have acted on my doubts and sought out another therapist for a second opinion or third opinion - I certainly do this for medical diagnoses.

One physician I went to on two occasions after moving locations put "not to be seen again" on my record. When I returned to the clinic I was informed by the administrator at the desk that the Dr doesn't want to see me and that I should find another one. This came totally out of the blue and she had a specialist report I wished follow up with her. Was it because I asked and argued for opioid analgesics for my pain or was it because on leaving she said 'god be with you' and I replied laughing 'but I'm an atheist'! ? People can be unpredictable.

FW, while you are still hurting this advice might seem odd but sit down and try and list some of the achievements and benefits from your therapy and compare it with the reasons you entered into therapy and the outcomes you wanted. These are YOUR achievements - you did the work the therapist only guided you - they are trained to do that - the anguish of the process is 99% yours, good therapists keep a safe professional distance from their clients but this is not to say they can't feel and care for you.

You may be surprised (as I was) that all of the effort one feels in terms of getting the therapist to know what you are on about, all of those intimate revelations can be communicated quite quickly to a new therapist as second time around you have been able to identify the salient points. Going through ones history all over again is a chore but new things might arise in re-telling it and having a new therapist focus on different angles.

We don't have control over other people and they are most likely to bring about suffering because we choose to invest in them. I only wish that some 35 years of my life hadn't been the way they were, that my ADHD (if that is really what I have) could have been diagnosed and treated earlier. Disappointment is understandable, lashing out in reaction in the short term is understandable - I've felt that, grief at loss is understandable but hatred is not an enabling emotion.

There are new opportunities ahead. Use your time to try to summarise with your therapist what you have learned and how this can help you move on.
There could be some good in what has happened. Your next therapist might be more effective.

I am now getting treatment that is helping including grieving for some 35 years of my life including failed work and relationships that might not have failed if I got the right advice and support earlier.

Best wishes





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