Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 25, 2007, at 9:45:30
In reply to Give yourself credit alert! » LlurpsieNoodle, posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 22:59:02
1.I lay in bed for an hour thinking very dark thoughts. intense apathy, but eventually the bladder won.
2.keep the meds near the toilet. figured I should take them. then went back to bedroom and changed to comfy pants and tshirt and am wearing polar fleece, who cares that it's sunny? I like polar fleece. like a hug
3.I drank a smoothie I made last night. Too apathetic to eat dinner last night. Too apathetic to eat bkfast this am. but at least I had some food in my belly to absorb the geodon
4. I made coffee. Venti sized. probably about 18 oz worth
5. I cleared the dining table. applied a coat of stain and a coat of furniture polish. The movers scratched up the finish. now it's lustrous.
6. I put cheery placemats on the dining table
7. I cleared a section of the "bar" my husband and I don't really drink so much, but our bar parephenelia is awfully pretty not to display. reminds us of parties. chrome ice bucket and shaker set and a collection of corks. maybe cats will like them?
8. did technical e-mail to colleague concerning my experiment on topology. Had to solve some math problems. Not so good at arithmetic, but at least excel does some arithmetic for me. Some reassurance that colleague caught my errors the first time we corresponded. Hope she catches any additional errors, although I did proofread.
How I feel
a) very very dark. clouds gathering. thoughts and plans and plots to satisfy these dark thoughts
b) glee! I know where to find the think to accomplish my dark thoughts. If I don't feel better by Friday, (after T) I get comfort. hope.
c) mental image of T. do I want to disappoint him?
d) hope that my babble messages don't sound too "out of it" or trivial. Out to la-la land. Worried. self-conscious.
e) blank. shroud has been pulled over head. but at least I have energy. know what needs to be done in the household. finally seeing some empty floors after 4 weeks of boxes piled up to the ceiling.
f) anger at myself. I have succeeded in causing worry amongst people I hold dear (you babblers) shame.
g) shock. while searching the www to find my T's email address (unsuccessful. was hoping I could maybe email him instead of call him or wait til friday) I discovered his age. 66. WTF?!? He looks about 50ish. Athletic. not so wrinkly. huh? Must lead a blessed life. Well, at least he's not a newbie and has seen this kind of crap (my kind of crap before)
h) satisfaction. I read my notes from last night's babblechat and perhaps I wasn't as loopy as imagined because my notes and Honore's notes were concordent. I wrote a couple threads that will help me get my empirical mind involved, even as my emotional brain dissolves into chaos and descends into a chasm. maybe empiricism will pull me out of this one. it has in the past?-Ll
poster:LlurpsieNoodle
thread:771145
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771859.html