Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: si triggers. compliment triggers » LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by muffled on July 24, 2007, at 22:40:25

In reply to si triggers. compliment triggers, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on July 24, 2007, at 17:14:01

> Sorry muffled, I'm going to quote you

**LOL!!! Quote away girl!

>> I just was thinking mebbe this is coming from a certain part of me.

> Did you know this stuff when you started T several years ago? I bet you HAVE learned a lot about yourself. I think what Dinah says, about having a companion along is really important. It means that there is someone you can count on to be there in the really really dark moments. The moments of shame when you know you've messed up. Someone who won't be repulsed by self-destructiveness.

**I have learned lots its true, I don't refute that...mebbe more than I realized!
Sigh, but my T isn't there in my dark moments, I been feeling bad, but no T.......she is dead to me, she doesn't exist, I could sever an arm and she would not come...cuz she wouldn't know, cuz she is GONE. She just a sometimes person that is there. And its hard, cuz she knows stuff bout me that noone else knows, and she don'r SEEM repulsed, but she NOT HERE. And I hurt and she not here.
OK Tantrum over...

> I have this feeling that you have learned a lot about the process of self-discovery during therapy. I know that what you share with me has helped me understand myself a lot, so thank your therapist for me, okay?

**OK I thank her. Ohhhh, I help YOU? Well YOU help me too! Lots. AAaaaaaccckkk, compliment ALERT!

> I want to drink too when I'm in a bad place. I cannot tell you how many of your lines resonated with me. The disgust of looking at pristine flesh when all I feel is rot. The shame of looking at the scars and the cuts and knowing that there was a choice and I made the wrong one. The silent suffering. Will I have the guts to tell my T on friday? I feel even more shame that they are so superficial.

**I hope you can tell T, so he can see whole picture...
Superficial is GOOD. If it gets the job done, its good to be superficial, beleive me I done worse and I feel WAY worse bout the bad ones...
Sorry you resonate w/me :-(
Hope my posts don't hurt you :-(

> So much dirt.

**ya :-(

> Wanting more memories must be very difficult. I have some memories, and some of them are very ugly. I also have some blanks. Times and people are reversed, but the feeling of life-threatening terror is there. It stays with you- that feeling of having to watch, constantly.

**ya I just get the feelings only...its not very nice. Thats why I do NOT wanto remember, but to remember nothing is bad too, and getting scared when I do try and remember is bad too.

> you are a good mom, better than a "good" mom, actually. You have taken a big step towards being PRESENT for them.

**This is only reason I do T. To be OK for my kids. I am SO GLAD you reminded me of this. Cuz I not so present. Iam off and on. I am not consistant :-(

>Judging by your responses to my woes, I know that you are good at recognizing the big troubles from the daily struggles.I know that you have a big bag of tricks you use to soothe and calm others. You are very blessed in many ways. You share your blessings and caring and kindness with others too. You are definitely not a black hole where all goodness of the world gets sucked in and disappears into a quagmire of loathesome sludge. You may FEEL tainted sometimes, but you are who you are- look at the people you surround yourself with. Would they choose to be with someone who is tainted?

**See I didn't blip out compliments...good muffy.
I am not all bad I guess. But I got alot of deficiencies...
I kinda think my T is tired of me...
But I can't ask, cuz SHE NOT AROUND (wanka wanka boo hoo).
I have very few people, I can count on 1 hand easily the few 'friends' I have, and I hold them at a distance...I hold everybody at a distance, sometimes even my kids :-(

> Therapy is so hard. you've got to take a big breath sometimes and dig in and really ask your T about specific parts of your faxes- what does ___mean? How come I feel that way? Is this normal? How can I work on this? It's okay to want more answers, but inevitably the mind is a mystery. the more clues you find, the deeper the mystery grows. But the clues in themselves can be satisfying and fulfilling.

**you are exactly right LL, I got stop wimping and just GO for it...I think I should print this post to give me gumption so when/if I ever see T again I can speak.
Thanks LL, I kinda whining alot, sorry.
But you got me thinking which is good.
Ha!
You take care,
Muffled

 

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:muffled thread:771625
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771786.html