Posted by Poet on June 24, 2007, at 11:54:49
This is one that I could post on Working, Eating or Students, but I figured that since I just talked about wanting to be perfect in therapy that it belongs here.
I told my T that I need an A in the class I'm taking. She said you don't need an A, you want an A. She said no one is going to ask to see your report card, the only person who thinks you need an A is you. Well, yes I do think I need an A and if I get a B aren't I failing myself for not being my best? Hey, I'm going to tell her that tomorrow. Wish I had thought of it last week.
I also need to lose 10 pounds. Anxiety causes me to eat and I've allowed myself to gain weight. Not a good thing for someone with an ED. T, of course, does not see me as being fat. Okay, I am the only one who sees me as being fat, but I need to be thinner. I know my body will never look perfect, but it can look better and what is wrong with that?
I also am triple checking what I do at work and even so errors are getting through that I missed. T says I won't get fired for minor mistakes, but the fear of failure hits me everytime someone points out something I did wrong.
Also evidentially normal people don't rip up three post-it notes because they didn't like what they wrote. I guess I need to be perfect in post-its, too. Probably why I haven't written a poem in months, can't get that right either. I hate this, but I can't stop wanting to be perfect either.
Poet
poster:Poet
thread:765379
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/765379.html