Posted by DAisym on June 20, 2007, at 10:46:58
In reply to Re: Help!!! I've called and more about today » red house, posted by jammerlich on June 20, 2007, at 10:00:52
I'm sorry things are so hard right now.
I know you are going to find this hard to believe, but I've had sessions like you described and felt the same awful feelings. And I was willing to try to see if it was "just me" but in the end it seems it is always both of us. I can remember a particular Thanksgiving a few years ago when I left a session and then called in and said, "why have you withdrawn your support suddenly? Do you think you've babied me enough and now I need to be pushed? I don't like it!" And I felt doubly bad that I was a disappointment to him in that I wasn't working hard enough.
What we figured out was that his own frustration of "dropping bait" came across and since he knows how much I hate to sit in silence, he was trying to fill it up. It is my job to talk or not talk, and he is OK with us not talking, but since it was a Holiday weekend, he didn't want me to leave upset. (And then he ended up calling on Thanksgiving - talk about apologizing!) Talking about the session was actually hugely helpful because I could see where I was imposing my interpretations on his actions without checking it out. Sometimes we do need to be reminded that therapy is hard work and our therapists can't read our minds. And since we only have the hour, we really don't have the luxury of a 20 minute warm up time. It really is up to us to spit out the thing that needs to be talked about. And sometimes the only way to get there is to just talk - answer questions or talk about not being able to talk.
I do think there is a trust problem, as you keep saying. I would definitely ask her about answering questions and tell her how she is making you feel. My therapist always wants to know why I am asking questions, but he will generally answer them or tell me why he won't. I can imagine that you are thinking she has this whole hidden opinion of you, it might feel like judging, and you really just want to know what she really thinks.
I hope she calls back soon and your tummy feels better soon.
poster:DAisym
thread:764201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/764419.html