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Help!!! I've called and more about today

Posted by jammerlich on June 19, 2007, at 19:59:15

In reply to Re: Would you say something? » jammerlich, posted by Dinah on June 19, 2007, at 17:09:08

I tried to call my T this afternoon, but she'd already left for the day. The secretary asked if I wanted her paged or if I could wait until tomorrow. I said I could wait. I think I should have asked that she be paged. I feel awfully upset.

Can you guys help me decide what to say when she calls back?

As far as the "all you have to do is ask" thing, it damages my ability to trust her. I've asked her exactly 2 questions since she said that and she's turned them both back to me. The first one was when I thought she'd given me an ultimatum. When I asked about it, he first response was, "Why do you think I might say something like that?" She wouldn't answer until I told her I'd really rather her just tell me.

Does she not understand that in gaining my trust, little things like that are really important? It's not like I know her as a whole person. I only see little slivers, so what I see really matters. Or is it unreasonable for me to feel that way? Sometimes I'm not sure.

Other stuff that felt really bad happened today, too, and I think it needs to be discussed as well. I had a very difficult time getting started today. She asked what I wanted to do with our time together today. I couldn't answer. She asked a little about my time with my parents over the weekend, but still, I couldn't talk. I didn't know what to say. She asked what she could do to help me. I told her I wished I knew.

And we just sat there in silence. So uncomfortable. Finally, I told her I was sorry. She said there was no reason to apologize, but then added that she felt like she kept dropping bait and I wasn't biting and it had her feeling like she was doing all the work....work that is really mine to do. Well, that left me feeling even more like I needed to apologize.

I just feel terrible about the session today. On the one hand, she wanted to know what she could do to help; yet on the other she already felt like she was doing too much? I don't understand that. And if it was easy for me to just speak up and say what's on my mind, I probably wouldn't need to be in therapy. What exactly is her role?

I feel like she's been pushing and challenging so much lately....more than I can tolerate. I know that's an important part of therapy, but doesn't there need to be a strong foundation/relationship in place before that can happen? Maybe she thinks not. Or maybe she thinks it's already there (and I assure you, it isn't). As things are, I just feel pushed away and I want to run. The rest of my life just isn't settled enough to have T be much other than a warm place.

I'm wondering if maybe I need to go ahead and call her service to have her paged tonight. I'm having a really terrible time. She just doesn't seem as warm as she used to be and I hate to call her after hours. Maybe that's not really OK.

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:jammerlich thread:764201
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070612/msgs/764268.html