Posted by Honore on May 26, 2007, at 11:43:10
In reply to crying my face off... oh god, posted by gazo on May 26, 2007, at 10:23:19
Hi, gazo.
Try to remember that the old person you loved really isn't there in a consistent way. There's nothing more destructive and wrenching than this kind of inconsistency-- nothing that rips up the psyche worse than the promise of hope, that appears suddenly, unexpectedly, and then, without warning, is torn away.
That's what's happening now-- your H has come back, suddenly and unexpectedly kind and loving--and given you hope. I wouldn't be surprised if this weren't the pattern that keeps you under his control, trapped, stuck in this love/hate paradox, caught by the inability to move away-- because when you do, suddenly the old, loveable H reappears.
I hope that someday, you'll be able to withstand that terrible chimerical hope-- and find solid hope-- the kind that leads to good thing-- not to another traumatic rupture.
I know that right now you resent your T-- he's abandoned you-- and isn't there to provide that bridge, even if it's not the most stable bridge, to a different future. But he'll be back-- and I think when he comes back, the estrangement and disappointment, and hurt will fade away-- but you'll continue with him. Maybe you're not ready to hear that-- I hope it doesn't annoy you for me to be so persistent in saying that you'll connect to him again, and better. But I do think you will.
Just hang in there-- it's a little more than week-- which I know seems forever-- but the days will pass.
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:759621
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070525/msgs/759626.html