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My T and I discussing hospitalization

Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 29, 2007, at 19:01:24

In reply to Out of it, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on March 29, 2007, at 0:21:40

my session went an unprecedented 1.5 hours today. she's going to call me soon to check up on me. basically I'm at a place where i cannot find any peace on this earth. I want relief. and there is no place safe in my home. the children upstairs have temper tantrums and there is yelling and it triggers me. there is evidence of mice in my kitchen and so i haven't been preparing or eating food.

and the unrelenting panic. it is stronger than klonopin, and invades my dreams with terror. T and pdoc had a chat a few weeks ago and pdoc figured out that I'd been doing some pretty deep exploration of my very dark past. He expressed optimism in my long-term outlook. Said to push the klonopin.

I felt so defeated after that appt. wandered around listlessly, eventually found my way to a ladies room somewhere and just sat on the stall with tears running down my face and I carefully counted out an appropriate dose of klonopin. And then I walked to the bus in a dissociated haze and came home and stared into space for a while. thinking bad thoughts. There are no more answers for me. I have to make my own choices. things hurt a lot right now, though. everything is a trigger. children trigger me. happiness triggers me. sadness triggers me. the smell of fried chicken gives me flashbacks.

I'm not eating and not sleeping and not thinking straight. the extra klonopin prescribed seems to have the effect of moving me from being extremely agitated to extremely depressed.

I suppose it's dinner time. i think I can manage a cup of juice.


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poster:Llurpsie_Noodle thread:745121
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