Posted by Dinah on January 13, 2007, at 19:08:52
In reply to Re: I can't do it anymore. » Dinah, posted by mair on January 13, 2007, at 12:14:08
My therapist can't believe what my work lets me get away with, and doesn't seem to notice the price I have to pay.
Yes, I did speak hysterically to my boss on more than one occasion, and burst into tears. Yes, I even once stalked out muttering that I hated him, that I hated them all. And yes, I can largely work from home.
But the price is that they expect a lot from me, because I've given it in the past, and they're not altogether happy that I'm not up to my former standards, although I usually manage to squeak by.
And more importantly at this moment, the price is that the work is heavily deadline driven and tends to be feast or famine (although I don't recall any famines in the last two years).
It's not *at all* unusual for people to burn out after a few years, and I've been doing it since 1980 or 81. I really don't think he grasps that. I really don't think he grasps how few people who start doing this end doing this, and just how high the burnout rate is. Add anxiety and mood disorder issues (and health issues) it's absolutely astonishing that I have lasted this long.
I have actually looked in the paper today, and I'm thinking of making some private inquiries to parties who may be interested. Not because I particularly want to be doing that more than this, but just to try to find a stable work environment with only one person to answer to. I'm not sure such a place exists. But it's a pretty big step for me to be able to consider it.
Actually, there have been several occasions in the last few months where I came thisclose to carrying all my work stuff to my office and just leaving it there, and with enough of a provocation I think I'll end up doing something at least that stupid.
As you know, this job has been slowly damaging my mental and physical health since I turned about forty. I'm honestly wondering how much longer I *can* do it. I'd hate to have to lose my therapist, but it may end up being better for my mental health in the long run.
Is it really that difficult for you to find other employment? (I know I have no right to ask, considering how much trouble I have with change.) It has always seemed to me that your work is about as healthy for you as mine is for me.
poster:Dinah
thread:721761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/722063.html