Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Situation solved more or less (too long)

Posted by Dinah on January 18, 2007, at 2:49:01

In reply to Re: Hey Dinah, posted by Fallsfall on January 16, 2007, at 8:02:05

I was talking to my husband and it would appear that we had a miscommunication. He wasn't supporting my new full time plan because he liked it, but because he saw that I was upset, misunderstood why, and was trying to be supportive. While I saw him as being enthusiastic.

And he said he must have been in a bad mood when he said what led me to believe he didn't want me to quit and would be a more exacting employer than my current ones if I did. He said he'd love to have a homemaker as a wife, and was glad we had that option financially, although we would have to adjust our spending habits and work out a budget. Only he said that nicely this time.

Now that I don't feel trapped and without recourse at work, I feel more able to face it without quitting. My situation hasn't changed there. I did the math (after five + years) and realized that I was doing at least 85-90% of the work I was doing after reducing my hours by over a third. Even given the fact that my nonproductive time has been reduced to virtually nothing, that really doesn't work out very well, and it's no wonder I've been miserable at work for so long. Add that to the fact that I freeze like a deer in the headlights when overwhelmed. I don't know what I can do about it, but at least I don't feel so guilty for being such a screwup at work.

I wish I'd thought this out sooner.

Anyway, my therapist hasn't changed any. He still admits he basically told me to suck it up and do my job like everyone else in the world has to do, whether they like it or not. And I still don't feel like he understands what's going on for me at work, if he says that, since this is more than just not wanting to work. When I explained the numbers he understood a bit more, but he's as stymied as I am as to how to fix it, given my history of failing at being able to bring my workload to a level commensurate with my hours.

But now I'm not feeling like a trapped animal, I can be less angry about his insensitivity (as I see it).

And we are on good terms. He said he was never mad at me, just concerned at my self destructiveness. And that he's still concerned at my level of distress about this and othe things. But he said he did understand that when animals, including humans, felt cornered or trapped that that's when they did feel self destructive and angry with those they saw as helping to trap them. He's not angry with me about it.

So we're going to work on making work a better place for me, but now that I know that escape is possible, I'm not as full of despair.

Several other things are going wrong in my life though, leading me to be in enormous pain even with my Risperdal and Klonopin which at least keep it to bearable levels. I hate that commercial about depression hurting, but it does. And so does anxiety. I feel like curling around the sadness in my tummy to ease the pain, and my skin feels like it's on fire, or an electrical field, from anxiety. I can also barely stay awake.

It feels like I'm getting worse, although I realize that my just be my perception after a few recent descents that followed closely together.

 

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


[723518]

Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Dinah thread:721761
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/723518.html