Posted by muffled on January 7, 2007, at 21:53:11
In reply to Re: does anyone else cut? - Trigger, posted by youngaddict on January 6, 2007, at 11:14:42
> BUT I THINK THAT BEING IN THERAPY BRINGS UP UNPLEASANT THINGS THAT I AUTOMATICALLY BLOCK AND WHEN I LEAVE I LEAVE FEELING UPSET ANDF I AUTIMATICALLY CUT MYSELF. I WANT TO STOP BUT I LIKE IT.
*yeah,therapy brings up stuff. The therapy realtionship itself is 'stuff'. Sigh.
Yeah, cutting satisfys something in us, that why we do it. Thats where we goto find other ways if possible.>TOTALLY. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS VERY NICELY. WHOLE BODY FEELING LIKE AN ELECTRICAL FIELD. A NAME FOR THIS FEELING I HAVE!
*I feel like I gonna explode and cutting is like a releife valve, a poor one perhaps, but at the time I knda desprate.
> I'M AFRIAD SHE WILL JUDGE ME ,LOOK DOWN ON ME, THINK I AM TRYING TO DO IT FOR ATTENTION. ITS SUCH A "TEENAGE" "EMO" THING TO DO. YOU KNOW?
**LOL! I am 44 ! Guess its not a teenage thing after all...
>
> BUT I DO LIKE THE SCARS IT LEAVES, AND DON'T WORRY PEOPLE, I DON'T CUT DEEP, JUST SURFACE CUTS THAT BLEED A LITTLE. AND THEN I LOVE WHEN I CATCH A GLIMSPE OF MY ARM AND I SEE THE SCARS HEALING. ITS CATHARTIC.**Yes my scars used to make me feel strong and tough. I used to never waer dressings on stiches so all could see how tough i was.(at home I hid them carefully)
So I cut rarely these days, this is quite recent. Which isn't to say I don't think of it, I just somehow don't do it. I guess all the stuff my T been teaching me is sinking in.....
My T hates that I cut, but she is accepting that it is a coping mechanism that I have, and until I had found other ways to cope, she accepted it. (better than the alternative ways of coping I had-which incl dangerous behaviors)
She knows that I am pretty careful, but if I have written that I did a bad one then she will ask if its doing OK.
So she don't condone it, but she don't beat me up over it either, and that way I not afraid to talk bout it. I have had a talk or two w/her bout it.
Hope it goes ok for you.
Muffled
P.S. When you older the scars are WAY worse :-(
They bad :-(
Part of me still likes all the nasty scars cuz of the tough thing, but most of me is ashamed :(
poster:muffled
thread:719703
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070103/msgs/720298.html