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Re: Pulling away and closing down » annierose

Posted by Tamar on January 1, 2007, at 18:23:39

In reply to Pulling away and closing down, posted by annierose on December 30, 2006, at 13:41:31

Sorry, I’m a bit late to this thread.

I’m sorry you’ve been having a hard time. I can totally understand that feeling of being unnerved about the thing you’ve been told. And I’d add my voice to the others that say the source may not be entirely reliable.

> When I think about all the times I have bashed this person, unsupported him, etc and all the while, she likes him.

It takes all sorts, though, doesn’t it? There may be very good reasons why you don’t like him, and your therapist may understand those reasons perfectly well and yet not feel the same way you do.

For example, my friend C is rather arrogant. I don’t normally like arrogance in people, but somehow I like C despite it (he has many good qualities, and I’ve found ways to confront his arrogant behaviour). Many of my other friends dislike C, and I understand why, and I know they’re often right in their assessment of him, but nevertheless I like him. It doesn’t bother me much when they criticise him, because in many ways I can understand their point of view, but I don’t share their point of view.

> I felt myself already pulling away in therapy prior to this discovery. I had let myself get as close as I was able to another human being and I don't like it.

It’s scary, isn’t it? Even scarier that she might not be exactly how you thought she was… that you’re still getting to know her.

> I know I should share with her what is bothering me, but it compromsises me.

I’m rapidly coming to the conclusion that almost everything we talk about in therapy compromises us… I wonder whether you’re a little afraid that your therapist might think you’re not such a nice person if you were to talk about this. Or maybe you’re worried she might change her opinion of you in some other way, and then you’ll lose the closeness that you could almost tolerate.

You probably don’t need me to tell you that sharing things like this can make the relationship extra-special. Allowing your therapist to see a side of yourself that you’re embarrassed by, or you’re not proud of, or you dislike, and still being accepted and cared for, is terrifying but beautiful.


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