Posted by peddidle on December 12, 2006, at 21:36:15
I think there is already a post about this, but I didn't want to hijack anyone else's thread.
I haven't posted in a long time, but I want to hear what people think about this. Today was my last appt until the week of Jan. 15 (or maybe even the week after), because of winter break. Our session felt kind of weird today, but I guess it always feels kind of weird when I know I'm not going to see her for a while.
Towards the end, I was telling her that I didn't feel extremely stressed-out about all the work/studying I have to do, but that I was sure I was going to have a "freak-out" later tonight or tomorrow. She followed me out as I was leaving, because she had to use the restroom, and as I was walking out, she said to call her tomorrow if I was really freaking. She kind of said it in passing, so I wonder if she really meant it. I mean, I know she cares, but it just feels weird. I've never called her or anything when I've been freaked-out before, but when it happens I usually know that I'm going to be seeing her again in a week anyway. No such luck this time. Is it bad that I almost WANT to freak-out so that I have an excuse to email her? Scratch that...I know it's BAD, but is it WRONG?
Maybe I just don't want her to think I'm weird(er). I already occasionally (often) time my walks to the library or wherever for when I know I might cross paths with her. I'm not sure if she realizes that I do this on purpose yet, but I figure, I'm allowed to be on campus and walk wherever/whenever I want. lol Also, I was telling her how I was trying to find pens over the weekend that I thought would be comfortable for taking my exams, and she mentioned that she likes this one kind of pen, but she didn't have any with her because she uses them "at her other office." I didn't know she had another office. I thought she just worked at the counseling center at my school. I know it shouldn't matter, but it just kind of struck me strangely, and I wish I had asked her about it, but I guess I lost my chance.
Anyway, I guess I'm just really not looking forward to having to go four weeks without seeing her. Anyone have any tips for dealing with this? I try to tell myself that I've gone a lot longer without seeing her (I took a semester off, so it was the entire summer plus one semester), but that doesn't really work because then I tell myself that I wasn't as close with her then as I am now. Maybe I could email her halfway through, or so, just to let her know how break is going. I just feel bad, because I know that it's her break too!
Even right now I know I should be studying, but I just can't get myself started. It's not procrastination, it's something else....maybe it's my passive-aggressiveness, although I don't know why it would be.
Anyway, thank you sooo much to whoever reads this whole thing. I'm really sorry for writing such a long post... I guess I shouldn't be surprised if nobody responds.
poster:peddidle
thread:713068
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061210/msgs/713068.html