Posted by Shortelise on December 6, 2006, at 1:00:21
In reply to Unexpected reaction, posted by vwoolf on December 5, 2006, at 13:53:57
In the time I went through where I was transferring crap all over my T, if he'd stormed out, it would have been upset me awfully. (I absolutely do NOT agree that it was calculated on your T's part.) I needed him to be the solid, stoic person he was. I needed him to be there and hear me out, no matter what. I came to trust that no matter what came out of my mouth, he could handle it, even when I was completely hideous to him about him. He was figuring me out during that time, I think. If during that time he'd left the room in anger, it would have felt like a rejection of me, and that would have undermined therapy. Later, when we (finally, after several years) began to move into what I think he calls our "real" realationship, he said something about it being ok that I'd been that way with him. I started to cry - I'd felt so guilty about it, and to hear him say it was ok, that it was part of therapy and ok, was such a relief.We need a blank slate for a time during therapy, someone onto whom we can project and transfer to work things out with, without who they are coming into play. We need to trust that this person will be there throughout the process to help us through. Kind of like a parent, so if you are going through angry stuff at your mother, this might bring aspects of it to the front, and fast!
So, hopefully your T can put whatever feelings she has about what she did aside, and help you in whatever depth you need, for however long, to work out whatever feelings you have about it.
If you need to tell her it's ok, that you can accept that she had a bad moment, if she can accept that it brought stuff up for you that you need to work through - that it's stuff you are projecting onto your relationship with her, that it's not really about her throwing up her hands and leaving. She should know that, but if she is trying to minimize the incident, then she is denying a basic tenet of therapy: you discess it until there's nothing left to discuss, until the client has worked it through.
Good luck with this vwoolf. It's a tough one. Please be kind to yourself. T's are trained to deal with our hostility, bless their hearts. I don't know how they do it, frankly, and I am not surprised to hear they lose it occasionally. It wasn't you, you know, it was her - maybe she has a few hostile clients at the same time, and it just got to her for a moment.
poster:Shortelise
thread:710608
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061123/msgs/710766.html