Posted by Daisym on October 7, 2006, at 12:06:03
In reply to perils of going too fast. **C.Abuse triggers** » Daisym, posted by Lindenblüte on October 7, 2006, at 10:20:41
What you are describing is "shock." As real as a physical injury - when you remember something "new" -- stuff that has been hidden -- the first response is nearly always shock. For me it is complete with shakes, head ache, feeling sick to my stomach and then a pretty severe dissociation. If we can get to the tears, I come back to myself and feel better. Often this take a session or three -- but since I have them right in a row, it works most of the time. When I talk about something newish on a Thursday it is much scarier. Then I have to be alone with it for days.
It gets all mixed up, doesn't it? The anguish that is so young and the outrage from the adult part of us. And yes, the wondering about how things might have been different. I know you work with kids and so do I. Sometimes I can tell myself that all the kids who may have been helped by me wouldn't have been if my life had taken a different path. It isn't a huge comfort but in the darkest moments, it is something to hang on to.
And the act of telling, in and of itself, is terrifying. Even after 3 years of working together, I sometimes beg my therapist to not tell anyone what I've just revealed and to "not be mad at me." Sad. Pathetic really. But there it is.
What'd ya get at Target? They have some cute shoes right now...
poster:Daisym
thread:692400
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692723.html