Posted by Daisym on October 7, 2006, at 0:22:16
In reply to Re: Go, Speed Racer! » Racer, posted by Lindenblüte on October 6, 2006, at 20:40:09
I'm going to disagree slightly with my esteemed fellow babblers. My experience with getting it all out and being in it too much was that I ended up seriously suicidal. I flooded out and was overwhelmed with all the memories, pictures and unprocessed events of the past.
I did go on medication, and I increased my therapy to twice a week, and then three times and at its worse, I was talking to my therapist everyday - either seeing him or by phone. We've settled into 4x a week without check in calls right now, but I still have access by phone if I need him. This is what they call "intense" therapy. No kidding...
You said you are still only sort of feeling it on the surface. I think it is very normal to put your toe in the deep end and then pull it out and stay in the shallow end for awhile. My therapist uses this metaphor of a spiral - that we circle around and around stuff - going in deeper and tighter and then moving out and away again. I know you are going to see this new therapist three times a weeks so you will have the opportunity to do this kind of work with her. But, don't take this the wrong way, you just started seeing her, so how can all the parts of you trust her yet? This work needs a witness, but that witness should be someone who can contain the emotions for you and help you know what is truely unknowable.
It is natural to want to wrap yourself up inside your own head and really work through all this trauma. But the mind can only take so much. So try to build in distractions and some fun. Make dates with girlfriends, watch movies (go TO the movies if possible, it is more of an escape), exercise outside if you can. It is also pretty important to develop a safe place for yourself - especially if you begin to feel young. My closet does this for me, I feel safe in there. My office (at home) has coloring books in it, and a soft stuffed animal. If I start to get a flashback while driving, I now know how to breathe it back. Most of the time I can short circuit it, except at night. But at least I'm safe during those.
I hope I'm not scarying you. I do think everyone goes at their own pace. But I just remember wanting so badly to take off a week from work and "push through it." I thought I could get it out and over with if I worked on it 24/7 for a sustained period of time. My therapist had a fit and basically said, "do not do that. You will end up in the hospital for sure." I came close...
Keep writing. I want to help if I can.
Hugs,
Daisy
poster:Daisym
thread:692400
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692588.html