Posted by Lindenblüte on October 6, 2006, at 12:00:33
Hi All,
recently, I've been making insights left and right concerning the roots of certain inexplicable reactions that I've had to certain people and situations for my entire life. I'm understanding more and more about myself, and I feel like my relationship with my husband is getting better. I feel like some of the conflicts I've always sensed are being laid bare. It's not a pretty picture. Basically, I'm pretty screwed up at my core, but I have also done a lot of okay things with my life.I worry (as do my T and pdoc) that I may be pushing too hard, trying to much. changing too fast. I'm not sure what the alternative is. I feel like I spend so much of my daily life running away from some source of anxiety that I'm just now starting to understand. I am getting flashbacks and dreams, and strange triggers, and remembering things in a way/context that I've never understood before. It's like these things are coming to my mind. Either I can try to ignore them (yeah right) or I can try to understand them.
The problem comes when I spend so much time wrapped up in my own introspection that I withdraw from my life in the present.
I'm not sure if I CAN take it slower. I feel like I've wasted my whole life by not understanding myself and working with what I've got. I feel like I cannot go much further with my life without getting things kind of "settled" in some sense.
pdocs got me on massive moodstabilizers and benzos now. and i'm groggy. and a little down. i dunno. what's the risk or benefit?
-Li
poster:Lindenblüte
thread:692400
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060926/msgs/692400.html