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Re: therapy, yoga and t's comments ....

Posted by muffled on September 29, 2006, at 17:54:04

In reply to therapy, yoga and t's comments ...., posted by annierose on September 29, 2006, at 16:50:14

> I'm one of those attached babblers that is always trying to define or just plain understand the therapeutic relationship. I realize it would just be better to accept it as it is. But I can't seem to. I want to know more --- know more about the relationship from her point of view, know more about her as a person, know more about what she is thinking --- just know.
>
**It is a fascinating topic all right...

> My T does know I feel this way and we have gone on this merry-go-round more than once. She does let me know she cares about me, that I matter to her. Somehow it isn't enough.

***yeah i do that with my T too, just can't quite comprehend that she'd care....

>
> I engaged her in this conversation (again) on Tuesday and she made (IMO) a flip remark, "Annie, nothing is forever you know." Something about her tone, on top of those words had tears streaming down my cheeks. I went to my yoga class later that night and more tears tried to fall but I held onto them as my children were taking the class with me. I went again, alone, last night, and the tears did fall this time during the meditation part at the end. My yoga teacher came over to me and massaged my head and whispered, "It's okay, you're okay, let them fall." That of course sent me over the edge, but I kept myself composed, and left after class.
>
> I saw my T this morning and told her about what happened in yoga. I think what made that experience so sad, or so scary, (or both) is my yoga teacher reached out to me. She saw my pain, and tried to comfort me in a way a mother would --- by touch. My T said, "Don't you feel that I am reaching out to you?" And the truth is no. I told her, "I don't see you as reaching out to me. Instead, I see you as being here for me (because you are paid to) and being present for me in the moment. But the boundaries of this relationship prohibit you from reaching out." She disagreed and agreed with what I said. Does this make sense to anyone else? I explained to her, "You can't touch me to comfort me."

***Thats SO cool. I never thot of that. Its very interesting.
My T wants to touch me. Everyonce in awhile she does this 'almost' pat my knee thing.
One time she DID pat my knee. It was ok. I didn't freak.
One time, can't remember why, but she asked ahead if she could give me a hug, and I didn't know what to say so I said whatever. It was weird. I just blanked.
I think my T is just so kind and nice.
So I dunno. Sometimes I'd want to hug her, but it'd be a bit freaky.
Some day I will.
And it will be nice to know I can do that and be ok with that.
But my T is a Christian counsellor, so mebbe its different than a regular counsellor.
I dunno.
>
> It's amazing how strong the human need is for touch. Although I'm the first person to say, I don't like to be touched by strangers. But my T isn't a stranger. And if she did hug me, it would probably flip me out. I am full of contradictions.

**So did she say its out of the question to receive a hug, if asked, at the appropriate time?
>
> She tried to comfort me by saying, "This relationship isn't a regular type of friendship. You can't reach me anytime you need to talk, but you can call me and leave a message and I will get back to you." And she apologized for her earlier remark and said she didn't intend for it to hurt me.
>
> I don't know anything. But I want to know so much more.

**Your T sounds like she really cares.
Mebbe a one arm sideways hug sometime?
I'm not big on touch myself, so its hard to say.
Take care.
Good questions.
Muffled

 

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