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Re: therapy ElaineM

Posted by Estella on August 6, 2006, at 1:11:41

In reply to Re: therapy Estella, posted by ElaineM on August 5, 2006, at 12:10:36

> I can't really tell which came first for you: feeling that you may want to leave and that there was no focus, or your T talking about cutting back sessions. I think it's important to know which came first.

Yeah, I understand where you are going with this :-)

I think... I was a little hesitant right from the start. I was trying to psych myself up to give her a chance. Really try and give her a chance. Then she turned out to be nice. Nice and compassionate and caring. Some of the things she said were a bit off but nothing really objectionable and nobody is perfect. I was starting to wonder a little what the point in seeing her was, though. She doesn't really ask questions about my past or anything. Seems very concerned to keep it in the present day to day stuff. Then I thought maybe she was trying to assess my coping over time or something... I was hanging in there. Then... She suggested moving back to fortnightly sessions. That got me. I realised that she normally sees people fortnightly . That they do brief supportive therapy. That she isn't used to doing anything other than that. She even mentioned monthly sessions at one point. I guess... I felt like withdrawing about then. A bit stunned. I bit hurt. I don't know. Then finding out last week about the womans health / mental health distinction... She said they don't work with dx's and they refer on for medications and... I see what the situation is a little more clearly.

> Perhaps she could help with a referral to someone outside the Womens Center.

Yeah. I will talk to her about what we are doing a little more next time.

> Wow, focusing your studies in Philosophy, and having social phobia sounds really challenging.

Yeah. I'm not sure it is social phobia exactly... But there surely is more anxiety there than other people tend to get... I think... It is hard to say. I've seen people say that they feel really very anxious. They don't look very anxious. But then people tell me I don't look very anxious either though I surely feel really very anxious lol.

> I don't think I'd be brave enough.

I didn't think I would be either. But... It wasn't so bad. Write a paper... Read a paper. Just read loudly and clearly and vary your voice so you don't mumble in a boring monotone... That is okay. Better still to talk through a powerpoint presentation (well, some say it is better, I think it can be). But... That requires talking off the top of my head and when I'm anxious I worry about stuffing it up completely. I'm not confident for that yet.

> I've found that intimidation is always a factor in lecture discussions, and the best way students can do that is to either get the professor to support their views, or to at least, sound like the prof. I quit going to discussions very early on in my degree.

I'm sorry that you had that experience.
To be fair... I didn't really have that. Had supportive lecturers who didn't say what they thought (just presented the material) and tried to extract the grain of wisdom out of what people said in order to encourage them. Different schools can have a very different atmosphere, however. To be fair on my school... It is known for being friendly. And people are friendly. I guess it is visiting scholars trying to emulate a certain style of philosophy as it is practised in other parts of the world (that I won't name). Still hard to think that if I want to be part of that world one day... Then that is something you need to be able to deal with. Can't run from my own seminar crying 'cause I feel upset that someone is covertly calling me stupid. Need to be able to keep my head under pressure and handle myself. Can't rely on professors rescuing / defending me forever...

> Plus, I think that "perforning", and having the mind and ideas to contribute to a discipline, are two different things entirely.

Yeah, they can be. I think in this case... It might be about how people handle pressure too. I handle the pressure by being more hesitant than I need to be. If you suggest 'this is how the story might go' then you are met very differently from if you assert 'this is how the story does go'. The first gets people more on side offering constructive criticism, the second gets people trying to offer the counter-example to sweep the rug out from under what you have just done...

> Be who you are. It's okay if it takes time to learn how to be assertive in a way that does't contradict the kind of individual you feel you are. You sound like an introspective and sensitive person.

Thank you. Yeah. Still finding myself. I guess I thought philosophers tended to be introspective and sensitive... I heard otherwise... Now I see hostile, confrontational, and dogmatic. Sigh. Smart... People are smart, don't get me wrong. But why do they have to be hostile with it? Why does it have to be about scoring points against persons? Not everyone is like this... But when you look at the people who are offered jobs... That is what is sad :-(

> IT sounds like you have alot of good things to talk about with a T. I hope your next session is a good one.

Thank you.




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