Posted by Tamar on July 26, 2006, at 18:55:20
In reply to Re: I love my shrink (***trigger***), posted by ElaineM on July 25, 2006, at 20:52:48
> Oh Tamar, I feel like I know the love your 18yr old is longing for. It's a terrible thing to want that badly -- so hard. I don't know what to tell you. I remember some of the difficulties you've been going through with him, and how his very rigid boundaries come at the expense of sharing. I wish I knew of a compromise.
Thanks Elaine. It feels good to be understood.
> Have you ever approached him, from a peer position, from your "friendship wanting" place, and asked him what he feels about allowing himself, as a T, to be cared for? Maybe you have already.
I haven’t tried that. It’s a very interesting idea. I wonder if he’d answer me. I’ll try to find a way to ask him that.
> At least you still are able to feel some connection with him. I'm so glad that you've had some valuable sessions. I hope you find that a little encouraging. You sound very torn. And the fact that you would show your hurt with new tears, says alot about how painful and confusing, your 18yrolds hunger is.
I think the word hunger is a very appropriate one. It’s very physical, isn’t it? The need for love is a whole body experience, even if the expression of love isn’t a physical experience. (I don’t know if I’m making any sense.) I feel as if I’m asking him for nourishment but I’m asking for the wrong thing:
Me: I’d really like some apple pie.
T: I can give you rice.
Me: Rice would be OK, but afterwards what I want most is apple pie.
T: I don’t think it’s helpful for you to eat apple pie. But you can have some rice.
Me: What about a potato?
T: I don’t cook potatoes. But I have made a big bowl of rice. Here’s a spoon.
Me: Thanks for the rice. Can we talk about why I want apple pie?
T: Shut up and eat your rice.> I wonder if there's a way you could test out the subject without letting it all out at once? Get a sense if he would be completely dismissive, or receptive.
So far my attempts at testing him have met with no response at all. He just deflects me. I wish I could get my adult self in there to leap to the 18 year-old’s defence when that happens…
> Congrats on your book. What a great accomplishment. It sounds like your T thought so too. Are you looking forward to a change of scene with your vacation coming?
Thanks! Yeah, I’m definitely ready for some time off. I’m worn out. I keep pretending to be competent at work but it’s really hard to keep the show going!
poster:Tamar
thread:670462
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/670855.html