Posted by wishingstar on June 29, 2006, at 20:40:27
In reply to still around... saw old T today, posted by wishingstar on June 27, 2006, at 20:08:38
As I mentioned above, I called my regular T and left her a message telling her things were bad and was it okay for me to ask to talk to her? I left my work number and home number for her.
She didnt call.
Some of you might remember last time, a few months ago... the first time I ever called asking for help. I was in a pretty big crisis. She didnt call back when she said she would, and never apologized for it. I tried very hard to let her know how hurt I was and I thought she got it, but I guess not.
I cant believe she didnt call. I'm not as hurt as I thought I'd be though. I mean, it does hurt, but mostly, I just feel like throwing my hands up and saying forget it. I'm done. How can I trust her when TWICE, she doesnt call back when I really needed her? I do have pretty big issues with abandonment, and she knows that. She knows how I reacted last time she did this (I cried for 2 days straight, barely ate, etc). Why would she do this again? She omly works part time, so I KNOW it's not an issue of time. It's an issue of caring and motivation, I think. Well forget it, I'm not letting myself be vulnerable with her.. why would I? (Learning to let go and be vulnerable is one of my biggest issues in therapy and life).
I just cant believe this. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.
She'll probably (maybe?) call tomorrow, and what will I say then? I dont want to talk anymore. I guess I just need to tell her that. But it's hard because I know this is an overreaction.. but that doesnt make it any less real, right? I wrote her a letter (she;d previously said I could do that while I was gone) to mail today, but I dont think I'm going to now. Like I said, just not worth it.
Why did I put myself in this situation?
poster:wishingstar
thread:661970
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060623/msgs/662702.html