Posted by bent on May 16, 2006, at 7:21:25
In reply to conflicted feelings about csa ***trigger***, posted by bent on May 11, 2006, at 13:30:38
I want to thank everyone for sharing their support, advice, and experiences. Its strange how when you finally talk about something like this you can never stuff it back away in that hole your mind that it came out of. It’s like I let this monster out and now it’s following me. I think if I deal with the monster it will go away though. I saw my T today and we touched on this subject again. I had actually had a dream about it and that worked out to be a great way to ease into the conversation. Of course I didn’t bring it up until there was 10 minutes left in the session. I should know better but I really feel that I was testing my safety. I felt very embarrassed and we didn’t even get to the hard stuff. I sat there and unknowingly pulled my arms in to my shirt and just tried to make myself as small as possible. Maybe I was trying to hide? My T thought it was the shame but it didn’t feel like it. It felt more like I was embarrassed and it felt safe retreating into my shirt. This is probably very regressive behavior?? My T said we’d talk more about this next week. I felt so much panic because it seemed like I wouldn’t be able to put it away for a whole week. Like it was too big. Other things I can put on hold for a week but this is the first time something just felt like it was haunting over me and I don’t know what to do with it until then. I already called her once last week and I don’t really want to call her again. I do have a busy week at work anyway so it will go fast. The only thing that bothered me about my session was it seemed like my T wasn’t really supportive. Not that she was unsupportive but I could have really used some extra today. I just wish she would have told me it was ok, or that we could get through this or that she understood. I might tell her that I could use that from her right now. She used to be that way more often?? Ok, I didn’t mean to go on. I really just wanted to say thanks.
poster:bent
thread:642647
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060505/msgs/644620.html