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Re: victim or perpetrator *trigger* B2chica

Posted by Daisym on January 27, 2006, at 11:35:05

In reply to Re: victim or perpetrator *trigger* Tamar, posted by B2chica on January 27, 2006, at 9:20:06

I've said a million times: "but he didn't mean to hurt me."

My therapist says, "but he did, or is. Just because someone doesn't mean to doesn't mean you aren't hurt. It isn't OK for you to be hurt. You can be upset or angry about being hurt."

This is a very hard concept for me, to not instantly forgive and decide that I shouldn't be hurt because they didn't mean for it to be hurtful. I want it to be my fault for reacting this way, instead of their fault for doing something.

It is hard to know what really happened with your brother. I think you are searching for reasons so that you can understand WHY he would do these things. I started keeping a list of what I KNOW to be true, what I THINK might be true based on evidence, and what I'm GUESSING at. This helps me when I'm really messed up and looking for those answers. Because sometimes I get the knowing and guessing and thinking all twisted together and I just hate everyone at that point. It also helps me stop seeing demons around every corner, turning everything into abuse or negative situations. For example: When I was a kid, temperatures were taken rectally. It wasn't abuse. I want to keep this separate from what I KNOW was abuse. Otherwise I doubt every experience I had and my perception of it.

I believe what happened to you was very bad and not your fault. I hope you can soothe yourself and have a peaceful weekend.

 

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poster:Daisym thread:602994
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/603419.html