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Re: victim or perpetrator *trigger* B2chica

Posted by muffled on January 28, 2006, at 13:55:20

In reply to Re: victim or perpetrator *trigger*, posted by B2chica on January 28, 2006, at 13:29:42

> i just want to soak up all the pain on this board. i figure i'm messed up enough that i'll take others pain and fill myself up. i'm already damaged, a little more won't matter.
> let me keep all the bad, all the anger cuz i know how to control it. -that's what my T and i were last talking about.
***I don't understand this part?
> i know what my brother did at first he was probably acting out but the more he did things the worse they got both physically and sexually and i know my mother wouldn't have had sex with my brother she was too angry for that. Pleasure was wrong. i think that hurting me never entered into his mind. it was all about him, his needs. i was a thing.
***Kids can be selfish. I find it a little hard to beleive that he didn't on some level know it was wrong. Mebbe he just never learned properly what to do with right and wrong?
> my 'mother' at first did things cuz she didn't know any better but became increasingly angry at me. she became very rough. i hated bath time cuz she scrubbed my privates terribly hard, i remember being so sore, and she'd dry my hair first then comb it out (i had long hair-those of you know you comb first then dry, otherwise it's extremely painful.) my crying didn't help things either. that usually made it worse.
***She sounds pretty screwed up
> when she took my temp rectally at first i'm sure it's just what she knew but as i got older i wanted her to stop and she'd have me pull down my pants or completely undress and she'd hold me down on the bed to do it. i remember on many occassions it was painful.
***yup. She screwed up all right.
> this along with other things, i believe she just got more and more mad at me for even being there. she once told me that she didn't even want kids but that there was so much pressure to have them. well, even though that comment s@cked i am glad i'm here.
> (couldn't have said that a few months ago).
***Words. Words are so bad. Bad, bad, bad.
I'm glad your here too. I think you help many with your honesty.
> thank you all for your comments.
> i think i'm still numb and on the border of acceptance-not quite there though.
> (big b2c)
***But getting there, getting there....
> sad, and lonely wanting to be held. please if i'm not to sick, somebody hold me.
> (little b2c)
***Ah little B2, me and my kid foughtlike crazy at first. Big B2C will come around. She's really nice, and smart too, and I dunno whether she knows it yet, but she needs you too. I don't think your sick at all. Little cutie. Stupid other people just done stupid things and sometimes thats the way it is. But its gonna get better. You and Big B2C are gonna have tons of fun. Keep reminding her you just a KID. That was the biggest stumbling block for me with my kid. Take care, I give you hugs ((((((((little B2C)))) and cuddles and tickles and we can laugh, cuz you just a kid and I'm a safe adult and not perfect, but I won't do stuff I know to be wrong to you. I know you a kid. Iknow you hurt. But its gonna be ok.




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