Posted by ClearSkies on January 24, 2006, at 12:48:48
In reply to Re: Called my T and asked for appt » fallsfall, posted by ClearSkies on January 23, 2006, at 22:16:46
and of course i feel better somewhat today. if i feel better does that mean i don't need to see her? so confused. i used to have good days, bad days, i could take one or the other knowing it was transitory, feelings circle around again.
but being confused, getting words mixed up, this is different and scary. don't even have anxiety, but a big hollowness instead. i want to sit and read a book but the words zip past my eyes and don't register on my brain. i can't even watch tv, bunch of stuff i am not interested in.i feel silly about calling my t when i felt so badly and now i'm like, ok. but not ok. embarassed, who was that person yesterday? i guess this is disassociation, nothing too extreme, but not being able to even recall yesterday's emotions. i don't want to make a big deal out of this.
actually rereading these words make me see that this is depression. listlessness, apathy, crying, rage, confusion. again i wonder can therapy DO this to me, to myself? does it matter if this is biological or not, can therapy get me through this? give me stability, take away the swooping up and down of the moods that go from blue-white heat to bleakest blackness.
you know how you think of incredible ideas and things to do and you don't write them down so they evaporate? try to remember them and it is like trying to catch a rainbow, not there, never was there, just light refracting. that was my morning, now i am glum glum glum what a great word. you can see the upsidedown smiley face in the letters. glum.
poster:ClearSkies
thread:602142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060121/msgs/602361.html