Posted by Dinah on January 6, 2006, at 23:11:42
In reply to Re: I think I've decided how I feel » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on January 6, 2006, at 22:13:32
I know that some people here see me that way, Alexandra. Maybe not the people who've been around the longest. Because they've seen me be as far from a rock as possible.
But I'm not like Dr. Bob. Heck, I don't even know if Dr. Bob is Dr. Bob. For all I know he hides under the bed and shakes for a few hours before hitting the boards when things are rough. :)
But a lot of that is just appearance, Alexandra. And lots of therapy. It's true that I can walk away easier now rather than get all caught up in things. I used to cry and shake so bad that I could barely type. Heck, I couldn't type. My posts would come out gibberish. And that doesn't happen so much anymore. Part of that came from processing hundreds of babble upsets in therapy. Parts of it came from exposure therapy of a sort. And part of that is that I learned to walk away and fall apart elsewhere before coming back to the computer. And part of it is because there are a heck of a lot of expectations on "Dinah" to behave a certain way. wry smile.
I'm not a rock, Alexandra. I'm really not.
Sometimes I can put on a good show. Even IRL.
I don't think he encourages my dependence so much as he encourages me to keep doing what's working for me. And comparatively it does work for me. For various and sundry reasons. I think maybe he's sort of results oriented.
Now maybe other therapists would see it and say there are other paths to the same results that would be better for me in the long run.
Maybe.
But I'm not willing to give up on what I know works for me to try what might or might not work for me. Not when there may be no going back.
When it stops working for me, I'm willing to try new things. When it starts working for me again, and when the new things don't turn out so well, I return to what I know does work.
Do I really love him? Yes and no, I suppose. Partly I love who I make him to be in my mind. But partly I love the person he is, flaws and all. When he took the job that took him away I told him that I used to say that I loved him enough to want what's best for him as long as it didn't interfere with him being my therapist, but that when it came down to it I guessed I loved him enough to want what was best for him without reservation. Although that didn't mean I wouldn't be furious with him. And if he ceases to give me what I need, I might terminate with him, but that doesn't mean I won't always love him.
Depending on your definition of love, I suppose. :)
I'm awfully glad he's my therapist, not my husband. I don't want to spend my free time with him. But it's love of a sort.
poster:Dinah
thread:595305
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/596072.html