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Re: Unmotivated but happy. A kind of depression?

Posted by Alara3 on December 14, 2005, at 8:27:40

In reply to Re: Unmotivated but happy. A kind of depression? » Alara3, posted by Tamar on December 13, 2005, at 15:21:17

nah:]
I am glad that you said that: "for evolutionary reasons, moms are inclined to superfocus on their babies in those first months. And that's perfectly ok. You love and delight in her, and that's wonderful." I think that's wonderful too! My partner and I have produced this delightful, gorgeous baby and I am in love! But by the same token I see how Ad's (my partner's) life has grown so much harder: We have just bought a very expensive house and have responsibilities together. I am the SAHM who gets to focus her day around a charming, developing baby! Ad, on the other hand, is under pressure to keep the Big Boss happy. For that reason, I should be doing more to ensure that he has nothing to worry about (car/blind purchases etc) when he comes home at the end of the day. But I've so far lacked the motivation to make things happen. Shame on me.

Dinah, thank you. I have suggested couples counselling to Ad many times but, like many men in this macho society, he just won't go!!! The good news is that we often move forward after a fight, particularly if we get things down in email. I guess that we are both prepared to consider our own contributions to relationship problems; that is surely a start.
Leg Warmers: Yes, there is definitely social anxiety involved here. I also relate to the idea of being `selectively motivated'. (Usually my baby daughter is the only motivational force in my life. :-) ) And yes, I know that I can cope so much better with the day ahead if I can get at least 6 hours sleep.

Doctors don't want to prescribe sleep meds though, so what can you do??? I take Polaramine (antihistamine approved during breastfeeding) about 3 times a week but even that doesn't always work.

Anneke, you sound as though you're enjoying your 3 y-o as much as I am enjoying this baby. :-) Thanks for the congratulations and for the perspective. You're right. The kind of value that you add to your child's life can never be quantified, and the lack of `tangible proof' at the end of the day can have us doubting ourselves unnecissarily. No, Ad doesn't help much with the practical aspects of Isabella's care. But he loves her so much and knows that I get such a kick out of looking after her that this really isn't an issue!

You are right in that I need to join a mother's group. I am a little concerned that it's too late and that the group will be kind of closed, but you never know unless you try. Life has taught me that you will eventually make friends in places so long as you have the courage to stick around.
Shortelise, I'm definitely not getting any deep sleep. Isabella is teething and so needs me at strange hours. I don't think that I ever sleep properly just in case she needs me!

Shortelise, yes: "I don't know what your life has been like, nor what your marriage has been like, but what I imagine is that you've just had a baby, are in that wonderful, dreamy contentment that some parents experience, and you are just having a fine time being with the perfect creature that is your child. It's a very intimate thing, a beautfiul thing."

That is exactly how I feel about my life with my daughter. Is that self-indulgent??? I just wish that I could enjoy it!!!

Tamar: "Ah yes. Baby brain. I remember it well. Perfectly normal. Your brain will return to its former capacity in a few months. Try not to tax it too much in the mean time. Choosing cars or blinds should be avoided; that’s no kind of work for a new mother : )" Thanks Tamar. I'll try to tell Ad this. :-) Definitely know what you mean about the baby brain, even 8 months down the track...


"Babies don't say small very long." That's so true. I wish that Isabella could stay a tiny tot forever...So I must make the most of this and concentrate on what is right! The fact is that I am beautifully blessed.

Thank you for your honest responses. :-)

Alara


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poster:Alara3 thread:588608
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