Posted by 10derHeart on December 8, 2005, at 19:10:26
It's been one year exactly today.
He was funny - I told him at our last session (day before yesterday) and it did surprise him. I said to go ahead and check if he wanted to, but he ought to know better, as anniversaries, tracking passage of time between events, etc., are big deals for me, and *everyone* who knows me knows I rarely get these things wrong or mixed up. So while he's nodding agreement, and I think, saying he's not going to check...I watch him {sort of sneakily} flipping back in my chart he's holding on his lap....then he says, "yup, 12/8/04..." to which I pretty much burst out laughing, saying "I TOLD you!" and almost spilling my travel mug of coffee- all at the same time! He was starting to laugh, too - at himself, apparently - because once I composed myself, I asked, "Why on earth did you look it up right as you were saying you weren't going to...?"
He just looked like a little boy caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, just shrugged, and said, "I dunno. I have no idea. Couldn't stop myself?"
It was prety cute, actually. And I surprised myself by not being offended he hadn't kept track and didn't know it was one year this week. Maybe that's progress? Maybe I'm more willing to recognize and accept all the other things that he's said and done to show I'm important to him? So, I don't *need* to get all hurt and freaked out by imagined slights...this is different behavior for me. More relaxed, understanding, and trusting and less defensive and dramatic.
I think I like it.
Now, as for this darn card I got him for this anniversary, that he said I could slip under his outer office door today (I didn't have it ready last time, and said I didn't want to wait till next time).... For some reason every time I open it to write wonderful, pithy, meaningful things on the inside, I go blank.
Weird. I never thought this card would to be hard to write. But I'm having trouble accessing my feelings. Or maybe...it's that we've had such intensity lately, and I've been so honest, there seems less to write in a card...?
I dunno. But I gotta get it written tonight. Hopefully, something will come to me.
I could just put what I keep thinking...
A whole year...wow.
But I guess I can do better than that. He definitely deserves a bit more.
poster:10derHeart
thread:587051
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/587051.html