Posted by Tamar on December 4, 2005, at 19:52:22
In reply to Privacy boundaries, posted by one woman cine on December 4, 2005, at 17:09:16
Hi Onewomancine,
You have some interesting perspectives. You asked how we’d feel… My partner isn’t a therapist, so it’s hard to know how I’d feel if his patients called our house or drove by it. I don’t think it would bother me much, though it might depend what kind of patients he worked with. Making threats is a different thing entirely: that’s a matter for the police. And I don’t think I’d like anyone to park their car outside my house for a couple of hours and keep watch. But I’d have an answering machine to handle phone calls and I’d probably barely notice drive-bys. Having said that, I’m not a particularly private person and when I do want privacy it’s about the privacy of my thoughts rather than a private environment.
> & I think, just my opinion, but maybe the person who engages in this is really not aware of the feelings of the other party such as myself - as it should be when they are in therapy in private. But this is an example of how boundaries get to be fuzzy and uncomfortable when the "therapy" relationship begins to shift out of the frame.
I have to say, I don’t think driving past someone’s house is any kind of boundary violation. Phone calls might be, if they haven’t been agreed. If a patient is driving by a lot then perhaps the therapist needs to raise it in therapy. But I suspect that any patient who drives by a lot is probably not in a position to consider the feelings of the therapist’s SO.
> I guess I also feel uneasy with statements made in previous threads, maybe because they appear to me to be graphic and strike me as rather provocative. I understand there is quite a difference between discussion and action - & maybe it's the idea of the impending action which is uncomfortable for me. I will have to think of that further, I can't really articulate what I want to say about it (if anything at all) quite yet.
Maybe it’s because fantasies can be very powerful; even other people’s fantasies? I’m not sure which threads or statements you’re referring to, but are you sure the action really is impending and not simply imagined? I look forward to hearing your thoughts if you decide to share them!
> So I think privacy and respect goes both ways & that needs to be considered.
Yes, although I suppose I wonder to what extent the feelings of the therapist’s SO can be of any consequence in therapy. If the therapist’s own feelings are rarely expressed and the focus is on the patient’s feelings, it’s a little difficult to see where the therapist’s SO comes in. I think that’s especially true when there are feelings of love in therapy. I think it’s essential for patients to have the freedom to disregard entirely the possible feelings of the therapist’s SO. For example, I wouldn’t normally tell a married man I love him (in a romantic or sexual way), but in therapy it *has* to be OK to do that; I can’t let any concern for his partner’s feelings inhibit my discussion of my feelings. And since feelings can’t be confined to the therapist’s office, the patient’s disregard for the feelings of the SO is carried out into the world (and possibly past the therapist’s house). And I think that also needs to be OK, as long as the patient isn’t making contact with the therapist in inappropriate ways (like phoning without prior agreement).
Certainly patients shouldn’t be encouraged to stalk their therapists, but they do need to be allowed to work through their attachment. Maybe it’s partly a matter of expectation; I do think that therapists should probably expect to have patients drive by sometimes.
Incidentally, I’m a teacher and occasionally students goes to some lengths to find out my phone number and phone me outside of working hours. I don’t know if they drive by my house; I’ve never noticed! But I figure it goes with the territory; this is the sort of thing that can happen. It irks me a little, but I don’t really feel my privacy has been invaded. However, as I said before, I’m not a terribly private person.
Just my two cents.
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:583665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/585488.html